After two heartbreaking collapses and runner-up finishes this season, the KWGA’s version of The Hunchback used his own event, The Medford Mile, to get his first career victory in what could possibly be the most popular win in KWGA history. Faced with a “must” par on #18, Newcombe used his steely nerve and $2000 Titleist shot-making ability to eclipse John “The Moon” by one stroke. The duo battled head-to-head all afternoon with the lead switching hands for good on #14 where “The Moon” tripped on his loose fitting trousers for a double-bogey seven while Newcombe’s solid par catapulted him to the cat-bird’s seat. “This is more relief than elation.” said The Hunchback. “It’s been a lot of years of struggling and grinding, so finding the winner’s circle on the KWGA Tour is a dream come true. Plus 4 1/2 hours is a long time to spend with someone whose pants don’t fit quite right.” Newcombe’s win was his third Top 3 finish in just 4 KWGA events this season which vaulted him into 4th place in the FEDEX Cup Standings.
For The Sheriff, it was another super-solid result for a man who nobody had any expectations for heading into the 2015 campaign. His jokes may be ribald, but nobody is laughing anymore at Yarmouth’s favorite illegitimate son. “It’s a tough pill to swallow right now. I figured my pars on #17 and #18 would be good enough to make The Hunchback collapse down the stretch like my old stained mattress in my tree fort.” said “The Moon.” I hope the fellas could see the stars at night in Medford as clear as The Commissioner could see mine Saturday morning.”
The Moon prepares for next Saturday’s KWGA Masters.
Saturday also saw the emergence of Scott “Air Bud” Woodworth who shot out of a cannon early with a +1 start through his first 5 holes. Air Bud followed that up with an even par Orchard and a birdie at #17 to finally make his mark on a KWGA leaderboard finishing in a tie for 3rd. A slow start this season had many questioning his ability AND Scientology but Air Bud seems to have put that to rest. “I have worked hard on my game through my KWGA struggles and it looks like I am showing signs of life. I was getting tired of rubbing those “chi rocks” together anyway. There is only so much science and the stars can do for you, you just have to get it done on the course in the end.”
MEDFORD BEACH
First, I don’t know if you could find a prettier view than from the lawn at Kevin’s Cottage. Having something like that passed down through generations is priceless. However, there ARE things that can be “passed” that are measurable. Things like… how many people show up. How many wings one person can eat. How much rang money is collected…and well…how many grown men need to have a bowel movements at 3pm even though there is no plumbing. Now I don’t know about anyone else, but I have myself on a set schedule. It’s convenient, comfortable and practical on so many levels. Bowel humour is funny until someone walks in on a toilet and is greeted with a Snickers bar, so please, next year, do one of two things. (a) Have some quiet time at KenWo’s facilities before leaving for Medford. They are equipped to deal with grown men and their cramps or (b) take a walk into the neighboring fields that require fertilizer and dig a hole.
Ten things I learned at Medford Beach.
1. Some people who normally don’t talk much…talk a lot when they are drinking.
2. Who has slept with the oldest woman (No it isn’t you Wayne, trust me).
3. Who has pending criminal charges for vandalism.
4. BBQ tastes better in the wilderness.
5. Some people think better and clearer with their eyes closed.
6. Harold is no longer Rod’s “pretend friend”.
7. Our group has no shame. I haven’t seen that much pink and white skin since my last visit to Tootsie’s Cabaret in Miami.
8. Someone wants to pierce his nipples. (gross)
9. Wayne cheats at washer toss. (I counted 7 times you were over the line when you threw your washer.)
and last but not least….
10. I still want to go back every summer…even with all of you miscreants!
RANG REPORT
Ninety ($90) in total was collected at Medford Beach. There were seven (7) rangs won. That works out to $12.85 per rang. I rounded DOWN to $12.50 (because I am not going to the corner store to get nickels and dimes) and put the excess .35 per rang in the KWGA Kitty ($2.45). I have put the money in envelopes and will give it to you when I see you at your next KWGA appearance.
Johnny Kenny (#5, #16)- $25.00
Kevin Poirier (#1)- $12.50
John Amirault (#4)- $12.50
Rod Murray (#8)- $12.50
Wayne Burke (#14)- $12.50
Scott Woodworth (#17)- $12.50
NEWS, NOTES & QUOTES
-“Telley won’t be here, he is probably home pulling….” ~The Hunchback uttered his comment following a 3pm telephone call to Telley’s house that went unanswered.
-“I guess Wayne won’t be doing his Monkey Dance tonight (enter sad face here). He can’t stay overnight because he found a better group of golf buddies for a PEI trip early tomorrow.” ~The Commissioner
-Next week is the KWGA Masters. A lot has been planned so please sign-up early and prepare to stay later in case you are in a PLAYOFF!
-A BIG thank-you to the KWGA brethren for the golf shoes again! I don’t do this for the shoes fellas…this is a labour of love.
-Lastly, a BIG thank-you to Kevin for hosting this awesome event again. I circle that date on my calendar every year…I can hardly wait to go back again!
See you next week fellas…and HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all the dads in our association (Man-o-man, we must have some messed up kids in our community!)
-The Commissioner
MEMBER POSTS