Commissioner Derek Ford battled the cool north wind, friends and foes Sunday morning to capture the 2015 Munich Oktoberfest Open.
Es ist ein Jesus! Two weeks after an embarrassing Avon Valley meltdown and a double bogey, bogey, bogey start to his first 3 holes Sunday morning, Commissioner Ford summoned his “inner chi” and a ham&cheese sandwich to win the Munich Oktoberfest Open with a net 68. The Commissioner held off a rejuvenated and pesky Hunchback Newcombe who started the Back 9 just 2 over par through his first 5 holes but bogeyed his final 4 holes to let another title slip through his hands. The Commissioner birdied #14 and drained a 27 foot putt for par on #16 that catapulted him to the 17th tee sending the gallery into hysterics. “That was a lot of fun out there today.” said The Commissioner. “It took everything I had in me to block out The Sheriff’s barbs and threats of giving me the shanks and telling me disturbing things about his upbringing, so It feels good to get a win again, but this FEDEX Cup is a long and winding road. There is much more work to be done.”
Sunday also saw the re-emergence of Where’s Waldo-Murray whose net 70 was good for a solo 3rd and a quick exit from the KenWo grounds to get to Giggles Bar in time for “two for one” drinks and free bowling shoes. Waldo-Murray’s rock solid Front Nine 37 included nary a birdie but plenty of praise from his playing partners. “You can tell Waldo is getting into peek form for The Masters.” said Grampy Burke. “He accomplished several goals in the last week…getting an event rained out (The Other Blossom) so that he wouldn’t lose ground in the FEDEX Standings and raising his handicap to a delicious 7 just in time for KenWolia Lane. I haven’t seen scheming like that since he managed to get squatters rights at Harold’s cottage apartment last year.”
Telley-Kelley acknowledges the KWGA fans following the end of his historic streak.
However, as cool as the north breeze was all day, the day was marred by the end of a streak and the collapse of the tournament sponsor The 4th Reich. Arnie Telley-Kelley’s consecutive weekend event streak ended at 2,131 straight Sunday morning as the New Minas habitant was forced to watch The Golf Channel while nursing a sore right solar plexus. Telley-Kelley’s absence means Commissioner Ford now holds the current streak at 24 events. For The 4th Reich, Sunday’s event marked his second straight 11th place finish and 3rd straight for his trademark “Fixe mal” tirade following a less than stellar series of chips on hole #13. Much was expected of Irwin after coming so close to winning his own tournament last season. “It just felt different out here today without my buddy.” said Commissioner Ford. “It had a funeral-like atmosphere. You know, kinda like if you hypothetically total your Mercedes while on vacation in PEI. Let’s just say it was a bad weekend for Germany all around….a Mercedes AND an Irwin down for the count.
EDITORIAL
Golf is a grand game with as many twists and turns as Penthouse Letters. Some good, some not so good. The pursuit of that course record, or for most KWGA members, breaking 85, is one that both excites and tortures but keeps us coming back for more. Maybe some, many, all of you wonder just what the hell you wake up at 6am for every Saturday to do such a thing. Lacking talent, heart, concentration and luck it’s an uphill struggle that you will surely never win. Like my bet with The 4th Reich. You may try, try and try some more but you will never par those final 3 holes in a row at our course called KenWo. I watch you all from afar, leaning, talking to your ball and even bemoaning your bad luck. I listen and nod in a comforting fashion as your balls sail short, long, thin and fat. So scream and hiss all you want because…(I love you guys)
NEWS, NOTES & QUOTES
-“That’s great KIRK. Sounds like you are getting in peek form for The Masters. You know, I was just thinking. If our families mixed in some way, your name could be Kirk Burke-Poirier. Hey…that rhymes!” ~Grampy Wayne couldn’t seem to summoned the right name for KWGA rookie KEVIN Poirier before play Sunday morning.
-Sunday’s round also marked a mathematical oddity. Kevin “Mr. Wildcat” Poirier shot his fourth consecutive KWGA round of 80.
-The Hunchback’s runner-up finish Sunday marked his second of the season, both by one stroke. Newcombe now has a staggering 48.5 FEDEX points in just 3 KWGA events.
-Jeff Legge also set a record Sunday morning. The Munich Oktoberfest Open marked the 17th straight KWGA event he played while hung over. “There were 2 bachelorette parties at The Anvil last night. What was I supposed to do? Leave early? It’s Oktoberfest after all!”
-Next Saturday June 20 is a SHOTGUN START for The Medford Mile.
-Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about next Saturday’s itinerary for Medford Beach. It should be a rip-roarin’ time…so start planning boys!
See you next Saturday!
~The Commissioner
The Sheriff shakes hands with his caddy following Sunday’s Munich Oktoberfest Open.
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