2024 FEDEX CUP PREVIEW

2024 FEDEX CUP PREVIEW
The Road Starts Here…

JEFF LEGGE- Now I can’t predict the next Microsoft, Apple or Bruce Jenner…but I can predict this. Since entering and re-entering the KWGA, our “Third Legge” has yet to win a tournament. The streak has spanned a full decade now notwithstanding a 4 year hiatus to fertilize eggs at the Berwick Legion or some other untoward destination. So this season I am predicting…the streak continues. The biggest factors involved are just how much will he play and does he even know we are keeping score? We keep waiting for this shit larvae to break out of its mushy outer membrane and become a shitterpillar. He may not have great hair anymore but he does have a 15 handicap working in his favour and one day, one day out there, he may just catch fire, shoot a 77 from yesteryear,and send me home eating my words. But I’ve eaten worse in my life. Everyone cheers for The Third Legge like a weekend at the Special Olympics. It’s contagious and good for the soul. “I can’t control what people think or say about me.” said Third Legge as he struggled with the online tee time reservation system. “I know I have done many things wrong in my KWGA careerbut they can never say I couldn’t absorb punches. It’s a great quality to have when you are 5’5.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 26
2022- DNP
2021- DNP
2020- DNP
2019- 27
2018- 26
2017- 19
2016- 22
2015- 19
2014- 9
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 819.83 (24th)
2024 Prediction- 28th

NICK LEVY- You don’t get a nickname like Captain Shitacular for no reason. When this man shows up, something spectacular is going to happen, whether it be a win…or a busted sewer main of a round, reversing into your home. He racked up three Top 3 finishes last season in just 5 events. What does this all mean? If he played a full schedule, we’d be talking about him in the same light that people talk about HAMAS…destruction. In other words, guys would be pissed. However, too many KWGA Saturdays he can be seen driving PAST the course in his company van, or on his way to a rink that is inexplicably open in July. Word has it his sons will be formally applying for entry into the KWGA when they turn 18. “I can neither confirm or deny that rumour.” said Shitacular as he tested some live wiring on his chest hair, “Those boys are going to be better at golf than me pretty soon. I just hope whatever they choose they stop waking me up in the middle of the night with their finger under my nose. That’s more annoying than shanking one off 13 tee. By the way…both have happened.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 23
2022- 21
2021- 22
2020- 21
2019- 23
2018- 23
2017- 21
2016- 23
2015- 20
2014- 15
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 821.47 (23rd)
2024 Prediction- 27th

BOB TRAINOR- A nagging back injury meant a balky golf game…and some restless nights at Abode Mary in 2023. Off-season surgery seems to have rejuvenated the KWGA’s left guard to the point where you can now even see him skipping down Main Street Wolfville with a unisex colored backpack. Will this translate to FEDEX Cup success in 2024? If he played more and didn’t take weeks off hosting silly “Dungeons and Dragons” parties in his basement bar, or flip off to the UK for the first 5 weeks of the KWGA season then I would say yes. The reality is that Bobby Clobber’s chances of success, unlike his business and other sports endeavors, are limited because he can’t bully his way to victory in the KWGA. Expect a few flashes from Clobber this year, just don’t expect him to make the playoffs…just like his Habs.
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 20
2022- 19
2021- 18
2020- 7
2019- 4
2018- 17
2017- 23
2016- DNP
2015- 26
2014- 22
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 938.25 (20th)
2024 Prediction- 26th

MARTIN SUTER- Without question the league’s most mysterious man. Just where did he come from? Where does he disappear to random weeks during the summer? Just what did he do to deserve a yard that only Mr. Miyagi would be jealous of? How does someone with his handicap make an ace? All good questions I say. What we do know is that he is quietly competitive, tries hard on every shot…and swallows bitter pills like 8’s and 9’s on his scorecard like a champ. His game can be precise and calculated for 4-5 holes, then, nout of nowhere, it’s like a skunk mated with a ten week old piece of donair meat stored in the trunk of a car on a hot summer’s day. “Don’t ask me to explain that. It’s messy and it stinks. Everyone has characteristics and idiosyncrasies in their game.” said Caddyshack as he clipped branches from his bonsai trees littering his front yard. “My wife wouldn’t let me build a range or install a putting green on the property, so this is what I have to work with. It’s not funny. Of course I’d like to be accepted and one of the cool guys but it will just make it sweeter when, one day, I do make the playoffs.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 21
2022- 23
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 848.73 (21st)
2024 Prediction- 25th

GEOFF FLECKNELL- Mr. Fuji was on the precipice of qualifying for his first playoffs last season until missing three of the final four weeks of the regular season due to complications from a pulled motivator cuff. The family soccer trips cost him more than just league relevance, as some were calling for the removal of his “man card”. On a positive note, if the golf thing doesn’t work out, Fuji can always get a job at a Chinese restaurant. He enters 2024 as a long shot but stranger things have happened, like, one of his hairs being out of place. The last of the no hat wearing golfers, the KWGA’s Jason Day doppelganger has been a lady favorite on Tour since his arrival three seasons ago. Of course, if YOU had hair like his, you wouldn’t cover up either. “First, let’s get something out of the way. The Sheriff may brag all he wants about HIS hair, but we all know who wins that competition.” said a steadfast Fuji from his neighbour’s deck. “Second, I also play faster than anyone else in the league and I would appreciate everyone taking an extra second and freezing when it’s my turn to hit. I don’t know how many times I have heard guys telling old dating stories in my back swing. It’s ridiculous…and they don’t impress me.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 17
2022- 20
2021- 17
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,007.00 (17th)
2024 Prediction- 24th

RAY IVANY- If there is a man who has reason to be slightly embarrassed heading into 2024, it’s The Chancellor. So much was expected in 2023. What was to blame? I know one thing for sure, being called back from the Acadia bullpen to run a university is zero excuse, I mean, it can’t be THAT hard to do. The irony was that he still got to participate in the FEDEX Cup playoffs as first alternate after The Commissioner was forced to withdraw. An awkward, symbiotic relationship akin to flies on a freshly laid cow patty but he quickly and gladly gobbled up that patty of opportunity. This season he will have to do it on his own merit and so Sarasota, FL will serve as his off-season preparation grounds. “This is one upside of unexpected income…condos in Florida for 6 months.” said a smug yet smiling Chancellor. “As I look down on the KWGA serfdom, I will be doing whatever it takes to win in 2024. New guys, mainstays, it doesn’t matter. All serfs will realize why only one person is anointed a big desk in a corner office overlooking a KWGA wasteland of shit.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 13
2022- 6
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,196.83 (13th)
2024 Prediction-23rd

BOB MAXWELL- The hunter became the hunted last season, proving that having a dog, let alone chasing a dog, is a bad idea. The fractured ankle ended Maxwell-Smart’s 2023 season early and abruptly on the same day as The Commissioner’s. A cruel irony that saw both men staring at one another in the Valley Regional Hospital waiting room one sunny August evening. Not much has been heard or seen from him since, so just how well things have healed, and how long it will take him to shake off the rust is anyone’s guess. What we do know for sure is (a) the man can play and (b) Bud missed him. The former will help him in his quest for a title…while the latter can only give someone a case of liquid intestines. “Listen, enough shit talk. Playing again will be therapy for me. I think the league got a little too used to not having to deal with my 4 birdie rounds.” said a confident Maxwell-Smart as his neighboring son thankfully took his dog for a walk. “I learned a valuable lesson last summer, don’t ever take golf for granted…and never let Elmer Fudd alone in the woods…ever.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 22
2022- 15
2021- 14
2020- 13
2019- 16
2018- 5
2017- 17
2016- 11
2015- 17
2014- 4
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 835.33 (22nd)
2024 Prediction- 22nd

STEVE HEPBURN- There are a few things you need to know about this man before the balls get in the air, the man is an absolute kick pad and can absorb more punishment than George St. Pierre’s sparring partner, (b)  He has a $1,000 driver and ( c) HIS ball won’t get in the air 27.3% of the time. Now I am not trying to pick on him or degrade, it’s all just the truth. The least decorated of the three 2024 rookie class will be looking to finally have some sort of athletic success in his life and so I feel like Jesus giving him this opportunity, because where there was nothing…now there is something. “All I ever wanted was an opportunity.” said The Hedgehog from his neighbour’s backyard deck. “I have never and will never open up about my past failures in sports but I look forward to trampeling a few of the guys in this league this year. Kids teased me about my smile, limp and the way I threw a ball my whole life. This season I plan on making that all go away.”
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- N/A
2024 Prediction- 21st

KEVIN DICKIE- “Ricky Dickie’s” rookie year last season was an eventful one if nothing else. In his ten starts, he finished nine…with two Top 3’s. Fainting spells, clandestine trips to wheat fields in Scatchatoon and sword fights with The Chancellor seemed to derail a promising rookie year. The distractions all added up to strawberry shortcake drizzled in shit. It just doesn’t mix. He starts 2024 with renewed vigor and some time away to think about what could have been while no longer having to yell at refs from the stands of an arena. “I can’t blame anyone but myself. I am an independent contractor now with the ability to shop for my own groceries.” said a reserved Ricky-Dickie. “I have gourmet ingredients in my game, I can’t produce diarrhea in the standings again this season. In fact, I’m sick of shit.” 
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 18
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 990.08 (18th)
2024 Prediction- 20th

JOHNNY KENNY- When you think of cowboys, you think of men like John Wayne and Butch Cassidy. Men of grit and courage. Men that don’t know nuthin’ about pronouns or pulling punches. The KWGA’s Denim Cowboy IS one of those old school type of men…up to a point. His penchant for skipping golf Saturday’s to watch the flailing and diving that is European futbol with his dude crush Phil calls that into question. Too many seasons he has missed out on the playoffs by one or two starts, and unless UEFA folds in the next few months, you can bet on this happening again in 2024. The frustration level has reached a fever pitch in the Kenny Camp. “Everyone loves and cheers for The Cowboy. He is a lovable league character.” said a drifting off Commissioner. “But until he dumps Phil, missing the playoffs will continue to be a thing. He needs to realize Phil is only using him to see him in his underwear. It’s distressing.” 
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 15
2022- 22
2021- 16
2020- 3
2019- 12
2018- 11
2017- 16
2016- 15
2015- 22
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,102.97 (15th)
2024 Prediction- 19th

NICK CAREY- If Wasczcuk-Carey was a Chippendale dancer and not a golfer…his panties would be full of dollar bills and not anxiety induced skid marks…plus he wouldn’t have to plumb bob a two footer anymore. Just think of the reduced stress. Yet he keeps coming back for more every year trying to win a FEDEX Cup The definition of insanity is doing the same thing, over and over, and expecting a different result. A decade has passed and it’s been the same result. Under section 69, subsection (ddd) of the Canadian Mental Health Guide, I can officially declare this man insane. There will never be a FEDEX Cup title with his name on it and we all know it but it’s still fun to watch a man struggle and keep on trying. It’s like non-horvaculturists watching a documentary on sasprilla poisoning or a 3-legged platypus, it’s all a bit difficult to follow. “At least I am more entertaining than CPAC or PBS TV.” said a matter-of-fact Carey as he stood on his tippy toes trying to see over his kitchen island. “It’s the KWGA. Where else could a guy like me be around real athletes and compete at golf?”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 24
2022- 18
2021- 5
2020- 17
2019- 14
2018- 20
2017- 13
2016- 19
2015- 16
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 819.83 (24th)
2024 Prediction- 18th

KEVIN NEWCOMBE– “Just get in the vehicle, Kevin.” Perhaps no phrase has compromised one man from winning a FEDEX Cup title more than it has for The Hunchback, whose incessant, unnecessary trips to Cape Breton and Yarmouth during peak golf season make about as much sense as a porcupine building its nest in the middle of Highway 101…or letting your pet lick your head. The shame of it all is he recaptured his game in 2023, an “Awakening” not seen since the Robert De Niro & Robin Williams classic film of 1990. This season will let us all know if the window of stellar golf was a short one…or if it lingers long into his wonderful, aimless retirement. What we do know for sure is that he WILL be taking weeks off to put 20,000 kms a month on his vehicle and THAT will make it hard for him to qualify. However, if he can find a way to win a Major, forget all of the above…the points will be there. “Boys, I like my ears attached to my head. Don’t ask me to stand up for myself when you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes.” said The Hunchback from his unchlorinated, pterodactyl toe jam contaminated hot tub in Falmouth. “The years of being bullied by Kendricks, Burke and Johnson prepared me for the quiet chaos that surrounds my oblivion. I am doing the best that I can.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 25
2022- 16
2021- 24
2020- 19
2019- 20
2018- 19
2017- 9
2016- 3
2015- 1
2014- 13
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 569.33 (25th)
2024 Prediction- 17th

BARRY HENNIGAR- You simply can’t teach what Barry has. His ability to ignore his very limited athletic ability, his strength to try and ignore the constant hammering to drive to Toronto on 100 degree weekends and the constant teasing about how his golf shirts show sweat stains in a very Holstein cattle pattern. The league’s only man to complete the NYC Marathon and have a camouflage sweat pattern, Bannister-Hennigar knows how to get on a roll and it wasn’t that long ago (2020 COVID) that he actually finished the season atop the regular season standings. The ability is there, it’s just a matter of time and gummies. “This will be a defining season for me. I’ve spent some off-season time in Phoenix, Miami and Port Williams getting ready, so there can be no excuses.” said Bannister as he watched his family spend more money. “Maybe some clarity will be helpful now that Indy Jones has moved West. Who knows? All I do know for sure is that I have heard the teasing and have promised to wear dark and patterned golf attire this season.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 16
2022- 13
2021- 6
2020- 1
2019- 19
2018- 18
2017- 10
2016- 18
2015- 15
2014- 11
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,015.25 (16th)
2024 Prediction- 16th

LUC POIRIER- Training to become a paramedic means two things. Blood, less free time…and shit. Ok, so that’s three things. Sue me. After clawing his way into the playoffs with a 12th place finish in just nine events in 2023, the KWGA’s youngest buck will have his hands full turning that trick again in 2024. It won’t be because of a lack of talent as Bedford was the epicenter of some shit tectonics that shook the KWGA last season. The face, the hair, the tats, the body…nobody is jealous of you Luc just so you know. Here is your first paramedic lesson…go take your $800 driver and pretend it’s a pediatric thermometer, because nobody cares. All that being said, I will be cheering for you young buck. “I have put in the practice time and have had a swing coach on retainer for two years now. Do any of those other guys do that? No.” said a defiant “Cool Hand” as he gave his first “official/non-recreational” rectal exam behind a dumpster at Walmart. “That’s why I don’t listen to jaded and faded older men. All their lives, guys like Beantown and Gadget whine and moan about the world of sports not being fair. News flash boys…So what? Do something about it.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 12
2022- 10
2021- 19
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,250.75 (12th)
2024 Prediction- 15th

JOHN AMIRAULT- What more can you say about a man that sends you pictures of the time he had facial herpes? (I’d advise ALL league members to refrain from subscribing to his Instagram page or accepting emails from him). Yes, it’s true. Golf is therefore secondary when The Sheriff is mentioned. However, once you eliminate the drool and hockey helmet, underneath is a man looking for any kind of sporting, athletic or golf validation. Just when you think he can’t do something, he manages to find a way to wheel his chair onto the short bus…and win a golf tournament. A slow start last season proved costly so avoiding “home shows” early on will be critical to his success in 2024. “Derrack is just jealous of me, and so are the rest of those guys.” said The Sheriff as he sipped his lukewarm Similac from a specialized straw. “I can’t help how I am and if they want to laugh when I am not around, go right ahead. I am the one grossing two million a year on steel roofs, plus $101.41 on golf winnings, not them. I’d call that being a winner. Now if you will excuse me, I need to finish Hoya Lifting myself onto the toilet.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 19
2022- 12
2021- 7
2020- 18
2019- 7
2018- 15
2017- 12
2016- 12
2015- 2
2014- 12
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 939.50 (19th)
2024 Prediction- 14th

NORM BATHERSON- If this man’s arrival doesn’t scare you, then you’ve had either a vasectomy or lobotomy. The good part about all of this is that no one has to try and outskate or outmuscle “The Quiet Storm” off the puck. The bad news is that he is a 1 handicap who can still outhit you. Personally, I wouldn’t be afraid to try and take him on on the ice, it’s not like he is his son or anything right? His trick has always been to smile and banter leisurely to your face, get you to relax and let your guard down, then smash you over the head with his game like a good Chris Nilan sucker punch 70 gross. He is only listed outside the Top 12 qualifying spots because (a) It will be hard to win with a 1 handicap (b) He will miss some KWGA events because he will be playing REAL events some Saturdays and ( c) He will no doubt be in shock once he gets a load of some of the Tour personalities. “I am not one to bluster and boast, but I have been wanting to get my meat hooks into some of these guys for a few years now. Especially Filibuster Bob.” said Quiet Storm as he sharpened the grooves on his sand wedge. “I remember what they did to me as a rookie on the Acadia Hockey team way back when and I vowed I would never be shaved from head to toe again and you can take it to the bank that isn’t happening this year.”
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- N/A
2024 Prediction- 13th

KEVIN POIRIER- After sneaking into the playoffs and qualifying 11th, Mr. Wildcat made the run of his life in 2023, winning the quarter-finals (St. Jude Classic), finishing second in the semi-finals (BMW Championship) then completing the run with a one stroke victory at the Tour Championship, capturing his second career FEDEX Cup title. This after famously leaving his wife to fend for herself as she bravely traversed through the woods at midnight through a hurricane…while he slept. The man simply has no conscience and it obviously served him well last season. Like sour patch candy, you have to be in a certain mood to want them, but the KWGA will no doubt want a piece of him in 2024. “I can’t control the Montreal Canadiens front office or what other guys think of me.” said a Wildcat (formerly Twitter KKK) as he mapped out his wife’s next outdoor adventure. “Winning this thing twice has proved that nothing I do is a fluke…other than being related to Jackie Redmond.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 11
2022- 5
2021- 20
2020- 20
2019- 15
2018- 14
2017- 4
2016- 9
2015- 10
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,332.50 (11th)
2024 Prediction- 12th

DEREK THOMSON- The Commissioner came flying out of the gates in 2023 with a win at the Kick-Off Classic, then playing 15 consecutive weeks, qualifying 5th for the playoffs, only to have his season derailed by injury, forfeiting his chance to win the title. The devastating blow was like having a tooth start growing out of your anus…and the world running out of Crest. The Commissioner’s focus in 2024 is to be back in the fight, hunting down his KWGA brethren, calling them names and finding a way to be there at the end. The winter will need to be a time of rediscovery and rehabilitation as the lack of swings in the last 8 months will no doubt be a mountain to climb. “The guys don’t understand what winning this title means to me.” said The Commissioner as he dabbed a mustard stain from his shirt. “I am kinda like Jesus Chris when you really think about it. Where there was nothing…now there is something.” 
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 5
2022- 11
2021- 15
2020- 14
2019- 8
2018- 4
2017- 3
2016- 2
2015- 6
2014- 2
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,699.13 (5th)
2024 Prediction- 11th

SCOTT WOODWORTH- The South Mountain Man made sure that nobody would be laughing behind his back anymore with a solid 4th place finish in the regular season. The bounce back season reminded folks that there is more to this man than an affable personality and a bowel full of chocolate milk. However, “Showcase” Scotty bowed out in the second round of the playoffs which can sour any dairy product but may just be the delicious tonic to spearhead another run in 2024. It’s called turning a shit batter into chocolate cake. “I really don’t care if I win, my main goal each Saturday is getting home to my canines promptly because I am the one who truly has the separation anxiety, not the dogs.” said Showcase as he rearranged his colored chi rocks at work. “I know guys think I am a drip, nerd or whatever but I don’t care what they say. They can run up my hospitality bar bill all they want after I leave the course, I will be the one eating a dozen Mars bars at The Turn in November…not them. Yum.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 4
2022- 17
2021- 12
2020- 8
2019- 10
2018- 10
2017- 8
2016- 5
2015- 5
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,784.50 (4th)
2024 Prediction- 10th

TOM THOMSON- Always seemingly looking from the outside in, “Jagger” took a regular turn at the plate and finished 14th last season, a mere 100 points short of qualifying for the playoffs for the second time. Qualifying for a KenWo membership has shown to be even more elusive. However, distractions and travel waylaid him like Mick let loose on Bourbon Street last season. All Mick had to do was show up one more Saturday. Alas, that’s one way great musicians become icons, tragedy. So what to expect in 2024? A winter in Gulf Shores, FL should help him get off to another good start. “All I need is some sunshine and warmth. Playing every other day and being around my brother who actually cares about golf scores.” said Jagger from his cabana in Florida. “I should become a better player just by shit-osmosis right?.” If the KenWo brass decide to finally let him in the door, you can up his odds to make it, if not, as South Mountainer St. Clair Jodrey famously said to The Fifth Estate during the Goler investigation, “Wat ya s’pposed to do when she comes onta ya.?”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 14
2022- 25
2021- 23
2020- 10
2019- 29
2018- 24
2017- 22
2016- 26
2015- 24
2014- 18
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,134.75 (14th)
2024 Prediction- 9th

MIKE WHITE- This season we will witness just what separation anxiety is. With his “Cheech” moved back to Indianapolis, Mike Chong will be fending for himself on Tour in 2024. A late flurry vaulted him up to 9th after languishing in the nether regions of his shorts and the league to start the year, alas, The Phog fizzled out in the semi-final. Expect an extra heavy, pillowy cloud to follow him this season to ward off any evil spirits. There is another pattern of behavior The Phog exhibits. Last, Last, Last….WIN. It’s been a recipe that has worked and kept him relevant season after season, “Guys think I do that deliberately but I don’t.” said a confused looking Phog from his banana hammock in Tupper Lake. “If they had knees, hips and frontal lobe damage like me, they would play erratically too. I am not concerned about any of that though. It’s a new season with a new challenge. I think I will be OK…I just ask that someone comes up to the lake to check on me every now and again please.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 9
2022- 7
2021- 9
2020- 9
2019- 1
2018- 1
2017- 18
2016- 14
2015- 8
2014- 14
2023 FEDEX Cup Points-1,397.67 (9th)
2024 Prediction- 8th

CHRIS RUSHTON- Perhaps no player highlights the fact that ANYONE can win the FEDEX Cup if they put their mind to it. How else to explain three consecutive titles from 2019-2021? I mean, really, when you think about it, the man was more likely to talk Heidi Klum into mothering his child. However, two very average seasons have followed and some are starting to wonder if his “motivator cuff” is torn and that the rumors of a move to the LIV Tour are true. “Listen, my wife has a pension coming and my girls are soon out of the nest. I don’t need Arab money to make my life complete.” said a matter of fact Inspector Gadget as he gnarled down a homemade hot dog. “It’s not like I finished in the bottom third of this league the last two years. Guys know that they have to play well to beat me because I will be on the first tee week after week, racking up points like this homemade hot dog.” The Gadget will make the playoffs and he will dazzle 2-3 weeks during the season…take it to the hot dog stand.
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 8
2022- 3
2021- 4
2020- 6
2019- 6
2018- 3
2017- 6
2016- 6
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,474.42 (8th)
2024 Prediction- 7th

GARY JOHNSON- Two major championships. Two. No golfer found “the magic” quite like Beantownn Gary last year on his way to clobbering the field during the regular season. But just like his powerhouse Bruins of 2023, Beantown found the playoff battle a little too difficult to navigate, losing in the final to Mr. Wildcat by a single stroke. He hid the pain well with his gregarious yet condescending smile, but you know it had to hurt. The question now is, just how much scar tissue has built up after such a devastating loss? There will no doubt be a drop off because the odds of him winning two majors again are about the same as “Blade Runner” Oscar Pistorius having Christmas dinner with the Steenkamp family now that he has been released from a South African prison. “If you want me to cry or lick someone’s face, that’s not going to happen.” said a perturbed Beantown as he did another favor for Wayne. “When you have been dumped, teased and pummeled emotionally as much as I have in my sporting career, you become numb. If I can’t get into the Hants County Sports Hall of Fame, I might as well keep trying for the KWGA Hall.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 1
2022- 14
2021- 10
2020- 5
2019- 9
2018- 12
2017- 11
2016- 4
2015- 14
2014- 16
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 2,923.92 (1st)
2024 Prediction- 6th

HAROLD FISHER- What do you get when you open up Pandora’s Shit Box you ask? Things like sorrow, greed,  and disease…and a mad as hell golfer who lives next door to the course. Last season, Mr. October finished 10th overall in the regular season but fell far short of personal expectations. It was like watching a pandemic of shit larvae hatching…but not making it to shore to become a shitterpillar. The opportunity was there but someone or something stamped it out before it could complete its life cycle…and grow wings into a full blown shit moth. There is hope though, as, like that pandemic of shit larvae, Mr. October will never stop trying to breed because you can’t put a price tag on effort. “Guys think that because I play every day that I should be leading this FEDEX thing every year.” said a dumbfounded October. “Shit doesn’t grow on trees and neither do FEDEX Cup titles. If they did, we’d all have to wear technicolor shit coats every Saturday just so we didn’t get swept away in a tidal wave of butt pee.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 10
2022- 9
2021- 3
2020- 15
2019- 2
2018- 8
2017- 1
2016- 8
2015- 4
2014- 20
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,394.00 (10th)
2024 Prediction- 5th

WAYNE BURKE- Like a good vaginal rash…he just won’t go away. Just when you think you have him eradicated, he keeps coming back for more, fomenting and spreading his tentacles into areas no one would have thought possible. That can describe this man’s game and FEDEX Cup results over the years. In his 11th season, against all odds, Grampy finished the year in 2nd place further cementing his legacy as a KWGA Hall of Famer. However, Grampy faltered in the playoffs and it’s been nine long years since his last and only title. If you don’t think THAT doesn’t stick in his craw, well, you have mental problems. “Losing sucks and to watch helplessly as guys like Beantown Gary and Mr. Wildcat passed me last season was less than palatable..and sorta like having to watch that rash grow in high resolution, slow motion.” said a finger twitching Grampy as he furiously scoured his Activity Pack for something to do. “Myrtle Beach in the winter is a good place to play poker AND work on righting the wrongs of 2023. Now if you will excuse me…I need to apply some ointment.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 2
2022- 8
2021- 11
2020- 2
2019- 5
2018- 2
2017- 5
2016- 1
2015- 9
2014- 3
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 2,277.00 (2nd)
2024 Prediction- 4th

BOB THOMPSON- Listen, anyone who spends their free time in Thailand deserves to be put in the spotlight. You don’t go across the world just to pick up some noodles and rice. What I do know about The Filabuster is (a) he has waited patiently for this KWGA opportunity (b) He will be grinding on Tour week after week and ( c) You won’t have to ask him twice to tell you a story. The bottom line is that he will be pretending not to know what is going on but will be checking the standings more than his phone messages. This is a lofty prediction but Bruce Lee finished 2nd in both his rookie and sophomore seasons, so precendent has been set. “These guys think all I can do is talk but I have news for them.” said  joyous and relieved Filabuster as he tried to hide his Adam’s Apple from his Thai caddie. “The putting is fixed, I can still strike it like I did 20 years ago…and nobody can throw Scott Woodworth off his game quite like I can. It’s a championship or bust for me…or send me back to Bangkok.”
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- N/A
2024 Prediction- 3rd

BRUCE FAGAN- All signs pointed to a FEDEX Cup crown last season after back-to-back 2nd place finishes to start his career. However, a slow start and some missed Saturdays contributed to a disappointing semi-final exit in the playoffs. Calm, steady and quietly ruthless, Bruce “Lee” has made a habit of being unnoticed even with two major championships already on his mantle piece, including last season’s Players Championship. If you think his version of kung-fu golf is going anywhere, think again. Expect a return to a Top 5 finish and a run at the title once again in 2024. “Golf is like those Instagram models. No matter how much nudity I show off, or how much good golf I play…people will always want more.” said Lee from his Kentville dojo. “I am not going to cower to other’s demands. I am giving it all I have week after week. OK, so I lost to a penguin last year. Big deal. Eventually penguins have to enter the water, and when he does again, I will be there just like the whale is in the wild. Delicious.”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 7
2022- 2
2021- 2
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 1,544.75 (7th)
2024 Prediction- 2nd

GERRY ELLIOTT- African safaris are supposed to be fun…until you run into a lion with a mane the size of Marilynn Chamber’s bush. That’s what the rest of the KWGA felt like last season after watching Double-Double feast on their golfing flesh to the tune of 47 birdies and an eagle for good measure. The barrage was an all-time KWGA record and good enough for a 3rd place standing to finish the regular season. However, I have a feeling that a 4th place finish in the playoffs will only fuel his feeding frenzy in 2024, because if you hadn’t already noticed…he silently keeps track. “Everything has been building to something bigger and better.” said Double-Double as he replaced another screen for his indoor practice simulator. “If Tim Hortons can finally and thankfully bring the blueberry dutchie donut back, I can certainly bring home this title.” Let’s just hope they bring back the cream filled maple donuts too!”
YEAR- PLACE
2023- 3
2022- 4
2021- 8
2020- 4
2019- 11
2018- 13
2017- 7
2016- 13
2015- 18
2014- 1
2023 FEDEX Cup Points- 2,245.33 (3rd)
2024 Prediction- 1st