The KWGA’s money man obviously knows his way around a bank…and knows how to make a splash at more than just the polls. KWGA veteran and Wolfville Wanderer “The Donald” Bryson did both Saturday morning at the Deutsche Bank Championship with an impressive -3 score to take the title by 5 strokes for his first career victory on tour. It was the KWGA’s 10th first time winner this season and a popular one, even if the polls don’t say so quite yet. The Donald’s Back Nine 37 strokes bested the next closest competitor by 2 strokes and included 4 straight pars to start the inward trek. That was followed up with pars at #15 and the dastardly 16th hole. The Donald’s shot-making prowess seemed to rattle his playing partners into submission like a Tony Romo sack. “I guess it is pretty ironic my first win on tour is sponsored by a financial institution.” said The Donald. “I spent a lot of years hob-nobbing with inflated egos during my past career so I know what it takes. Now, just like that other Donald, I am going to re-invent myself. I got my win, so don’t be overly surprised if Trump is the next President of the United States. I think I proved today that anything is possible.”
There were plenty of expectations for The Donald heading into 2015 after brushes with excellence to end the 2014 campaign. However, Bryson’s season was derailed with family strife and he was forced to take some time off tour. “The Donald is like that chained dog you walk by and tease and kick every day after school…until one day it breaks free of its shackles.” said a proud Commissioner. “He has been kicked, beaten, dragged, cajoled and brow-beat for a variety of things, shot 103 last week, and comes out here today and sinks his molars into some KWGA flesh today I would say. Maybe now people will realize there is a competitive fire burning under that velvet veneer. I couldn’t be happier for him.”
Waldo-Murray reacts to his wayward tee shot on #18 that ultimately cost him a spot in the FEDEX Cup Final. “If you can’t win, go out with gusto…and always leave ’em laughing.” ~Waldo-Murray
With The Donald running away with the tournament title, the focus quickly shifted to the battle for the FEDEX Cup. The Back Nine boiled down to 5 men battling for 2 pots in next weeks FEDEX Final. It wasn’t quite the Olympic 100 meter dash but the gritted teeth and sweat stains on a cool Saturday morning gave it all away. Mr. October-Fisher, the man known for his late-season runs tried in vain all day to close the gap but went +4 over his final three holes to drop out of contention. Then came his cigarette battery mate, Where’s Waldo-Murray who defied the odds and took the lead on #15 with a “birdie from God” that had his gallery of one in a frenzy. However, Waldo’s triple bogey 8 on the Par 4 18th destroyed 4 1/2 hours of grinding, eliminating him from the FEDEX playoffs. It was a hiccup so loud, Commissioner Ford could hear it from his sofa at home. “I am not sure what happened to him.” said a confused Commissioner. “I am just going to chalk that hole up to golf flatulence. Maybe the Golf Gods were getting him back for all of that Dallas Cowboy rhetoric. Playoffs??? Playoffs??? We’re just trying to make a first down with Brandon Weeden!”
With Waldo and Mr. October out of the way, the day belonged to two KWGA featherweights, Grampy Burke and the man formerly known as KKK. Perhaps no Tour Pro had less of a chance at winning the first 2 months of the season than Mr. Wildcat. Shackled with a 6 handicap that felt like frozen briefs in the crack of his arse, Mr. Wildcat battled his way back into contention for the FEDEX Cup with a win at the Canadian Open. Saturday saw the reverse occur as the Kentville hero started strong with a Front Nine 39. The Back Nine was more like a discount diaper as Poirier went 8 over in The Valley, a total that was just good enough to hang on. “My game isn’t always pretty and I have some moments of spastic golf behavior.” said a relieved Mr. Wildcat. “The goal today was to get into the Final 2 and I accomplished that. If I can find a way to get through The Valley next weekend, I’ll have a chance to win.
Burke couldn’t contain his relief and joy after tapping in for par on #18 at Saturday’s Deutsche Bank Championship. His +2 score was enough to advance him to next Saturday’s FEDEX Cup Final.
For Grampy, it was poetic justice Saturday as Windsor’s luckiest athlete used all of his tools with birdies at #3 and #8 to coast to a Front Nine 37. Some nervy play on the Back Nine had several of his gallery rushing to PharmaSave to refill several of his prescriptions. Bogeys at #10, #12, #13 and a double bogey at #14 meant he would have to dig in to stop the bleeding and he did just that with solid pars at #15 and the finishing 18th to stamp his spot in the FEDEX Finals. “This is a proud day for me.” said a smirky Burkie. “Yes, I did get a lucky break with the last event of the season getting rained out putting me in the playoffs. When I heard I was in the playoffs, it felt like heaven…like the moment that Jan said YES….to moving in with me I mean. Next week will be fun. It’s a chance for me to prove that Seniors can win on Tour and that you don’t need a wedge game to win in the KWGA. I also told you this side-saddle putting thing would work. You all laughed in May remember?”
Next week Wayne Burke and Kevin Poirier will fight for the right to be called 2015 FEDEX Cup Champion. There shall be no ties…a playoff shall be played.
Intercontinental Championship Update
The KWGA’s “Next Best Thing”…The Intercontinental Championship
Don Bryson leads the race for the KWGA’s Intercontinental Championship with his win at the Deutsche Bank Championship with 25 points. It is a two (2) round, total points competition. All golfers who have been eliminated from the FEDEX Cup Playoffs have been entered into this event. That includes players who were in the FEDEX Playoffs at the Deutche Bank (Murray, Fisher & Woodworth). You can see the full standings on the website under TOUR SCHEDULE-2015 FEDEX CUP PLAYOFFS. (Make sure you scroll down a bit.)
Top 5 Ways to Deal with Championship Pressure
Sitting out Saturday gave me pause to think back to 2014 any my battle with Double Double in last year’s final match. It was a morning filled with both excitement…and consternation/constipation. So I thought I would share with Burkie and KK my Top 5 secrets in dealing with Finals Pressure.
#5 Take lots of deep breaths…Bogies will happen. Don’t panic…because remember…YOU ARE A FREAKING AMATEUR GOLFER!
#4 When things get tough…think about something healthy and relaxing…like an afternoon game of chesterfield rugby with your significant other…even if you have to think back 15 years.
#3 Towels…pack plenty of towels…they help you sop up that perspiration…and hide your face when you want to cry.
#2 Booze and medicine. Maybe it’s a good morning to start your day off with a Bloody Mary, like at Christmas time. Or grab that triple rum and coke at The Turn. It works sometimes…ask Newk.
…and the #1 way to deal with championship pressure…
1.) The Morning Routine- Finding time to eat, stretch and hit a few balls is all great and everything…but finding your happy place hours before you tee off is immeasurable.
News, Notes & Quotes
-“The most painful Saturday of my KWGA career since my alarm clock malfunction 2 seasons ago that gave me my KWGA nickname, Rob Ford. To play 20 long weeks of a regular season… and not be able to play in the playoffs…disheartening. Now if you will excuse me, I need to take another Robaxacet and vomit.” ~Commissioner Ford
Commissioner Ford vows that he will make amends for Saturday’s disappointment…or else he takes that thing off.
-Congrats to KWGA member Jeff Legge who became the 5th KWGA member (Murray, Burke, Hennigar & MacKay) to represent KenWo during The Bluenose Cup. Great job Jeff. Hope to see you on tour again in 2015!
-Also, congrats to KWGA member Doug “The 4th Reich Irwin” for winning the first 2 games of his season in Germany. Keep it up buddy! Go EVR!!! If you thought you knew Doug…click on the link…I guarantee you will think of him in a different light.
–There will be a social gathering and overnight at Kevin’s cottage in Medford Beach following the round on Saturday October 3. There will be some eats, drinks and laughs…would love to see you there. PLEASE RSVP EMAIL THE COMMISSIONER IF YOU PLAN TO ATTEND SO THAT I CAN GIVE KEVIN NUMBERS AND PLAN FOR FOOD ETC. You do not have to play golf to attend this event!!!
-October 10 is our final KWGA event of the season…the 2015 Ryder Cup. It is a TEAM event, so committing to this event is paramount…lest the teams get f****ed up. The hope is that we can come up with a format after the Tour Championship (or at Kevin’s cottage) and have captains pick the teams. THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN LAST YEAR!
-Lastly, thanks to Deputy Commissioner Burke and the rest of the fellas for taking the organizational reigns on Saturday. It warmed my heart knowing I had trained you all to do more than drop loonies into slots in a piggy bank. Speaking of the Piggy Bank…you might have wondered where it was on Saturday. Sadly, I have to inform you that Miss Piggy took a tumble onto some concrete and shattered into a few thousand pieces. However, not all is sad. Her purpose was to train you all….mission accomplished!
Looking forward to next Saturday’s FEDEX Cup Final match. Good luck to both competitors!
~The Commissioner
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