Burke, Elliott Look to Storm “The Lea”.
With the 2015 KWGA season in full swing it’s time to turn our attention to this week’s event, the Avon Lea Open. This event marks the only KWGA event away from the friendly confines of KenWo and that means one thing…survival. Four of the Top 8 in the FEDEX Standings will not be teeing it up this week, so that means the standings will be even tighter after Saturday. Two players in the field this week have intimate knowledge of Avon Valley and big things are expected from Grampy and Doube-Double. The duo have spent many a season dealing with the micro-dot greens and their nuances and should be considered favorites. Grampy has shown signs of coming to life with a 73 in last Wednesday’s Men’s night and 2 more rangs this Wednesday. Double-Double is coming off a 68 last week in ice cold conditions and should be fired up to host this week’s tournament.
However, that doesn’t mean this week’s event is a lock. Many pundits are looking to “Where’s Waldo” as a possible sleeper. Armed with a shiny new 7 handicap and finally a golf pulse, Waldo could surprise this week. Trending in the right direction after two 11th place finishes to start 2015, Waldo finished 7th in last week’s Skoal Bandits Shootout. “People have started to doubt me and that is fine. They did that last season and I won The Heritage with a league record 67. I know Avon Valley better than people realize. I used to come to Windsor with Breeze and Brownie years ago to shoot pool and learn the ropes of professional cocktailing just down the road from the course. I think that should qualify” said Waldo.
WILL THE 4TH REICH FIND REDEMPTION…OR IS IT BACK TO GOBBLING BRATWURST?
The other big story this week is The 4th Reich. After a horrendous struggle with the Par 5 second hole in 2014, Irwin has promised a better result in 2015. The German sensation took a bloody and messy 8 that caused a barrage of Schnitzel profanity never before seen in the KWGA…scattering the gallery and his playing partners that day. With wind gusts up to 20 KM/hour forecast for Saturday, Irwin better hope that Hole #2 is playing downwind. “I heard people laughing last year when they saw my score. It’s not funny. Everyone can take a snowman once in a while. I look at this as a challenge, like going into a German restaurant and ordering sausage without sounding strange. I guarantee a par this year…or I eat raw bratwurst at Wayne’s house.” said Irwin.
Fonda-Thomson is nervous but ready for his 2015 debut. “These guys are trying to get me drunk before I even tee off??? Jeebers Creebers!”
Also making news this week is Tom Fonda-Thomson who will be making his 2015 debut Saturday. The On Golden Pond star has not lifted a club since his March trip to the Florida Gulf Coast and the self-deprecation started with his reluctant entry form. The curly-haired wonder boy is eschewing attending to his multitude of real estate and a nervous tick to enter the fray this week. “I started stuttering to myself in my sleep last night when I heard about Bailey’s Breakfast.” said Fonda-Thomson. “It reminds me of so many good yet horrible memories of my early drinking days. Being around The Hunchback again will no doubt increase those urges again, so it kinda scares me. I hope I can break 90 after that kinda breakfast!” However, the gallery will be happy no matter his score if he dons his signature Peter Fonda chapeau.
Finally, the week is a golden opportunity for The Hunchback, Telly-Kelley and Mr. Wildcat Poirier to creep into the Top 8 in the FEDEX Standings with some of the Top 8 not playing this week. Poirier has been wracked this season by a 6 handicap that clings to him like a cinder block tied to a swimmer. “The Commissioner made me use my 1985 handicap until I played 5 rounds on tour.” said Mr. Wildcat (formerly known as KKK…kinda like that symbol for the rock star Prince.). “It’s been a struggle to regain form from 20 years ago, but I won’t give up, just like our championship in 1985…sit down, let me tell you a story….”
“My handicap stinks right now…but I will never give up…just like in 1985.” ~Mr. Wildcat Poirier
Remember, Kevin N. is hosting Bailey’s Breakfast at 8:30 in Falmouth, the first tee time is 9:45 at Avon Valley and gathering at Wayne’s after…and a quick reminder…WAYNE’S IS A NO SPEEDO ZONE. Thank-you for your cooperation. See you all Saturday!
We do have a few “bears” in the KWGA after all!
~The Commissioner
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