2021 CANADIAN OPEN CHAMPION

ROD MURRAY

THE COMMISSIONER (2-1)- A recent two week streak of sub-par net rounds includes a win last week at The Jack Link’s and a close second at The Holly Sonders. Finally healthy after a summer of struggle, all signs point toward contention Saturday and his second Canadian Open title (2019).

SEX TAPE ROB (3-1)- Tied for 3rd two weeks ago at the Holly Sonders and an 85 gross just a week ago, plus he has 20 strokes of buffer this week. If he can stay away from a big number this could be the week for his first major.

DOUBLE-DOUBLE ELLIOTT (4-1)- Six birdies last week proves he can win an event without a handicap stroke to burn. Plus he has been seen spending as much time on the range lately as when he was teaching full time years ago. Back from Digby, the familiar surroundings of KenWo should have him licking his chops.

THE HUNCHBACK NEWCOMBE (5-1)- 81 gross last week and was 37 on the Front Nine yesterday on Men’s Night. The ultimate wild card and the most difficult man to handicap. His biggest hurdle this week could be his grouping and if he can remain focused surrounded by his son, Prescott and old Horton High basketbal teammate Fonda Thomson.

BEANTOWN GARY (6-1)- With 9 strokes of handicap buffer and the game to shoot a mid-70, Beantown Gary is in the handicap sweet spot. Somebody just has to tell him. Quietly, this may be the best player to never have won a major on the KWGA Tour and nothing would make Bidy happier than a big ugly trophy cluttering her living room.

BRUCE LEE (7-1)- This rookie has already won a major (2021 Masters) and seems to be rounding into form after a slow start and some injuries of his own. He may not wow you with power but he will beat you into submission with a million paper cuts. Everyone bleeds red…It’s the Canadian Open after all.

THE SHERIFF (8-1)- This 14 handicap tries to make you think he isn’t a golfer…and he is right. Who else hits a 5 iron off #11 tee and then giggles with excitement when he actually hits the green with it? If he gets through the first 5 hole gauntlet +2 or better, he may actually dole out his special form of corporal punishment and win his first major.

GRAMPY BURKE (9-1)- It won’t be long before a statue of him is erected on the KenWo grounds but for now El Presidente hasn’t hung up his clubs just yet. He also has the innate ability to suck the talent out of his playing partners which is not something you can learn, you are born with it. He can make birdies in bunches when the putter is hot and his second major isn’t that far out of reach.

MR. OCTOBER (10-1)- Four wins this year includes a dramatic four hole playoff victory at The Players Championship just 3 weeks ago and a boatload full of confidence heading into this years event. Plus, does anyone play more golf? However, he may need to shoot a sub 80 gross round to win this week. That’s a tall ask.

INSPECTOR GADGET (11-1)- If he had either one his his daughter’s golf swings he would be the favorite this week. However, nobody can grab ahold of your ankle and never let go just like Chicken Hawk used to do. He has won two FEDEX Cup titles but never a major. Is this the year?

INDIANAPOLIS JONES (12-1)- Nobody swings the club with less fear than Indy Jones. The man has compiled 2 career wins, a bushel full of Top 3’s and can make birdies (18 this season). His major obstacle this week in winning his first major is a 3 handicap that will have him looking more like Edward Scissor Hands heading to the first tee.

WHERE’S WALDO?-MURRAY (13-1)- It’s been 5 long years since he won this event and a lot of golf swamp water under the bridge. There are so many factors that go into a good Rod round that it is impossible to know how he will score. Weather, heat index, sleep, beverage cart sightings, cigarettes…..

FUJI FLECKNELL (14-1)- The only man that plays faster than John Daly may need to slow down and read a putt this week to win his first event on Tour. This Jason Day doppelganger does have 11 strokes to play with and has a sub 80 round to this credit this season. One never knows, but if he wins, he can show Coldbrook he can be known for more than soccer.

BOBBY CLOBBER (15-1)- Since the departure of Telly-Kelley, Bobby has taken the mantle of least attractive sweat stained golf attire. The trails that he leaves go in so many odd directions with SOUTH being the most common. Can Bobby fire an 80-84 gross round? He has putt in the work and certainly concentrates long enough over each shot to do so.

WASZCZUK-CAREY (16-1)- He smiles and laughs whether he plays good or bad but winning a major would validate his life just as much as catching a 100 pound salmon or trouser trout out in BC. Maybe he can pull off a miracle this Saturday and no one would be happier for him than me.

THE PHOG (17-1)- The results just haven’t been there this season and it’s mind boggling. Maybe it’s just the combination of a world changing too drastically and too quickly catching up with him. He has won a major before when we least expected it. What a payoff this would be.

FONDA THOMSON (25-1)- Nobody plays less golf in retirement than my brother. It makes me want to keep working until I am 72 like Grampy. I mean, why retire if you can’t play? He did make it to a playoff in The Masters 2 years ago so who knows. My big brother, at 25-1, a $100 bet on you Saturday would pay for a lot of guitar strings buddy. Go get ’em!

LUC DE TRIUMPH!!!

“COOL HAND” LUC POIRIER TAMES THE WIND AT CHESTER

CHESTERFIELD RUGBY OPEN
SUNDAY JUNE 27- CHESTER GC
DEADLINE TO COMMIT- 12 NOON SUNDAY JUNE 20
GREENS FEES- $55.00
CARTS- $12.50 per person
TEE TIMES: 11:03   11:12   11:21   11:30   11:39   11:48

-TOURNAMENT DRAW-

Tuesday May 4, 2021.

Before I get into the bets this week, hats off to Tim Prescott who pulled off the Daily Double last Saturday with birdies at BOTH the 7th and 16th holes! Now that’s what I call covering the spread! I dare say that will NOT happen again this season by ANY player! Alas it was only good for yet another runner-up finish in his young KWGA Career.

Let’s get to this weeks bets shall we?

LINE #1- The Sheriff has yet to birdie a hole this season in two events but had 7 last season and has been playing well to start 2021 in some difficult scoring conditions on Tour. It won’t take long for us to know if he did make a birdie because, well, that’s the only time we see him up on the deck after the round…with a Cheshire cat smile on his face like he just sold another metal roof.

LINE #2- Hennigar has struggled to start 2021 with rounds of 91 (Net 85) and 88 (Net 81) so far. The line at 73.5 seems low considering his first two results but last season’s FEDEX Cup points winner will be looking to crash the party this Saturday with a throwback performance. Or will the struggles continue? Barry, just no Chernobyl meltdowns or helicopter club tosses please if the struggles continue! 🙂

LINE #3- The 4th hole has been a bastion of failure on the KWGA Tour for years. The wind direction, softness/firmness of the terrain, pin position and WATER EVERYWHERE all wreak havoc here on amateur golfers it seems. Can someone get it done this week?

There are three polls in yellow on the right hand side of this website. Keep scrolling down on your phones to see all!

Make sure you go to STANDINGS-PRO*LINE every Friday to see who bet on what and on Saturday nights to see the results and updated standings.

2021 PREVIEW

The 2021 KWGA begins Saturday so it was time to handicap the field for the race for the FEDEX Cup. Many hours of research and number crunching got me to this point so I hope you enjoy. Lastly, if you don’t like your odds or how I felt about your chances to win the FEDEX Cup, well, do something about it I say!

DARRELL COOK 50-1 Bueller?….Bueller?…Anyone?…Anyone?

BRENT LOCKE 30-1 I think Weasie took a leave of absence from golf in 2020 to teach paddle boarding to bored MILF’s in the greater metropolitan Halifax area. Trading in sweaty men for water soaked women in wet suits is an upgrade but it does nothing to help you win a FEDEX Cup. Personally, I wouldn’t turn down Roseanne Barr in a wet suit with this Covid draught going on, but I digress. This man is a two-time, back to back Masters champion in case you have forgotten so the handicap/skill combination will always be there. Rumour has it that he busted up a wing in the off-season, so when we see the youngest grandfather in the KWGA play on Tour is anyone’s guess. Until then, send some wet suit pictures will ya Weas?

PETE SIMMONS 26-1 If selling vehicles and stamping grapes in his backyard were not so important we would have another contender to this title. However, both of those activities take time away from Saturday golf, while only one stains your toenails. The man has proven he can win on Tour, winning his title sponsor event (Valley Ford Fistfight) twice in his career in a feet akin to Vladimir Putin receiving a Super Bowl ring from Patriots owner Robert Kraft (Boy, THAT was tough!). Maybe someday he will sell his business like Grampy and get serious about scalping fellow KWGA’ers on a weekly basis, but until then, as they used to end the night on Stacey’s Country Jamboree on WLBZ TV in Bangor, Maine back in the day…”On the wings of a snow…white…dove…

NICK LEVY 25-1 If I had kids, personally I wouldn’t let them play hockey…or baseball, football, tennis, track & field…or anything else that took me away from weekend golf. But we all make our choices right? The 2015 Masters champion has not exactly been a FEDEX force in his 7 years on Tour, and this season, with sons playing all over the province in rinks I can’t pronounce, he will make the brave choice to play a limited KWGA schedule in lieu of his own personal golf gratification. He finished 21^st in the standings last season, just ahead of Indianapolis Jones and a ripped glove, the best he could hope for really. However, not too many others enjoy a round of KWGA golf more than Captain Shitacular, even with the disappearance of former best friend Jeff Third Legge. Look for him to play spoiler again, stealing points from desperate golfers at the most inopportune time.

RENE MacKAY 24-1 Incredibly, The Shooter finished 11^th in points last season in just five events on Tour. His playoff win at The Masters was the main reason but he turned the trick again the next week at The Heritage in a career season. However, to win the FEDEX Cup, you must be able to play two or three Saturdays in August, and odds makers don’t bet on guys who play once a month. If he played a full schedule the name on the trophy would probably need to be changed but then the property would probably turn to shambles too. Of course it’s not like a trained baboon couldn’t run the place in his absence, but that’s an experiment for another day.

KEVIN NEWCOMBE 23-1 The much awaited return of The Hunchback is happening in 2021 as Falmouth’s own pterodactyl toed menace returns after two years in the desert sand of Doha, Qatar. However, he will miss the first two months of the season , a double point major in The Masters and he’ll miss passing by the young men while in his convertible on his way to work every day, the young boys who limped to school with a Ground Penetrating Radar (GPR) attached to their arms, bravely scouring the useless dirt on their own way to school to keep Kevin safe. That’s capitalism at its finest I say. He has vowed a new attitude in 2021 and odds makers weren’t sure if that meant he just won’t be taking ice in his drinks this season, or if he will be letting go of the rampant golf anxiety that pulses through his veins most days. That all being said, who knows, maybe he wins The Players Championship and vaults into a playoff spot and he kicks sand on all the odds makers…I know which one I am cheering for.

GEOFF FLECKNELL 22-1 A rookie in name but this man has been around KenWo more years than most know but as we all know, there are two types of golf. There is “regular” golf…and then there is “tournament” golf. How quickly he adjusts to this and how much soccer his kids will be playing this summer will decide just how well he does in this FEDEX Cup race. Missing the season-opening Flower Cart Classic by oversleeping on his wake up alarm is not a great start. However, there is outside hope he can parlay some end of season confidence with early spring energy to surprise some people and scare a leaderboards or two. My childhood friend does look a bit like Jason Day but certainly doesn’t hit it as far, but when the first time he gets in the hunt, watch the smile be replaced by a blood-thirsty, soulless, heartless Braveheart. Go get ‘em Fuji…and remember, the deadline to sign up for Saturday golf is every Monday Night @9pm…unless otherwise noted.

If you wanna impress me Carey…bring these to Digby.

NICK CAREY 21-1 Nobody cares less about bad golf shots than Waszczuk-Carey. He has the inane ability to let it wash off his back without worry. I guess maybe it has something to do with proceeds and parcels of land from God knows where but who cares? Waszczuk-Carey finished in 17^th place last season, one spot and 3 measly points away from qualifying for the playoffs and vowed to never let Rocket beat him like that ever again. So much so he agreed to room with The Rocket in Digby. I guess that old mob saying is true, “Keep your friends close…but your golf enemies closer.” Who knows, maybe this is the year for Waszczuk but the day I stop seeing him take 3 practice swings and plumb-bobbing putts, I know he will have given up.

TOM THOMSON 20-1 “Fonda” Tom came out of nowhere to almost win The Masters last season, losing in a playoff to Shooter MacKay. The runner-up finish and $3,500 worth of new equipment propelled him to a 10^th overall standing last season. This season he will be newly retired in June and maybe, just maybe, he will be allowed to make the trek from Truro to God’s Country to play every Saturday. However, with 83 lawns to mow and a crop in the fields, I doubt that will happen. That means contending and placing high in major championships is a must, and that doesn’t happen every year. Fonda will slip a bit in the standings this year but has a chance to scrape into the playoffs…and at least he will have shiny clubs if he doesn’t.

ROB LOWE 19-1 Although being a police officer is not super popular right now, especially in the state of Minnesota, Sex Tape Rob continues to amaze on Tour with four wins in thirty-eight career starts, including a 61 net win at the Valley Ford Fistfight to finish 2020. He finished 11^th in FEDEX Cup Standings last season to stay under the radar just like his old job. Odds makers are doubting Sex Tape to qualify for the playoffs this season simply because he has joined the ranks of management for a day, agreeing to feed 20 guys with Digby crustaceans in May. Rumour has it that his sex tape has resurfaced and the KWGA will be holding a private screening in Digby for those interested.

JOHN AMIRAULT 18-1 Speaking of The Sheriff. We all laugh, because he is a caricature of himself, but in 2015 he actually finished 2^nd in the standings. OK, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now. That was 6 long years ago but I am willing to bet my left nut that he still has some of the same underwear now that he did then. King of Blimpkins, master of bawdy jokes and a general nuisance to KenWo management, The Sheriff is always trying to get under his opponents skin to gain an advantage. Maybe he will have a golf awakening again this season or maybe he will just be the same ole John. This odds maker would rather just bet on a blind, castrated, 3 legged horse in the Kentucky Derby.

LUC POIRIER 17-1 Rookie seasons are all about learning lessons. So it is for “Cool Hand” Luc who enters 2021 after pinch hitting several times last season. His 17 handicap could lead to a fast start and fool the odds maker and that will be key for the baby faced movie star looking hockey puck. KWGA fans all over the globe are already hoping for a father-son final but we are months away from anything like that. The mere thought brings a tear to Tena and my eyes. The kid has some talent and maybe all he needs is a structured environment to flourish a la Bobby Clobber and The Phog. Getting comfortable with such a strange and unusual crew will also be paramount because men like The Sheriff can easily rattle the younger lad. Good Luck Luc.

ROD MURRAY 16-1 So we reach the playoff cut-off on this year’s odds makers predictions. Where’s Waldo has the ability to win tournaments but the question is always how many events will he play? He finished 16^th in points last year and made it all the way to the Finals which shows he can dominate once motivated and in the handicap sweet spot. Several clandestine sessions with Instructor Gerry in the off-season stuffed his notebook of things to think about and work on, so the ammunition is there. How he got three guys agree to room with him in Digby so quickly is confounding and another question altogether. I am guessing he convinced them that his Hannibal Lector machine has been upgraded to a low purring sound? Did he threaten them? It’s all love, who knows, maybe another run to the Finals in 2021.

HAROLD FISHER 15-1 Year after year Mr. October has been a factor in the FEDEX points race, but not last season as he had his worst showing of his career finishing 15^th and barely qualifying for the playoffs. Maybe it was the lack of winter golf down in Covid rich Florida? If that’s the case, this off-season wasn’t any different. How do I know? Because I drove by his house about 75 times this winter without him knowing and saw the lights on at 6am, a place that would always be dark in the winter. However, Mr. October usually lives in the “handicap sweet spot” so there is hope, it’s just such an uphill climb without all of that Florida golf under his belt when most of us were always just trying to stretch our calves and hamstrings after a winter of sofa surfing.

BOB MAXWELL 14-1 What he does and drinks all winter up on that mountain isn’t known but if he ever let that secret out he would be a millionaire. The man charges down that hill every April and starts clanking balls off flag sticks. He has the game to win a FEDEX title but something seems to be missing. Playing a full schedule might help. The man hates cold damp spring weather like everyone’s grandmother, and not playing in Digby in May is another bandarilla in the bull. The hope is one day hunting and rain won’t get in the way of decorating such a deserving player…but I ain’t holding my breath.

DEREK THOMSON 13-1 Injuries derailed The Commissioner in 2020 but he managed to still scrape into the playoffs just the same, finishing 14^th in points and #1 in everyone’s heart no doubt. What I do know is that opponents were happy to not have to deal with him in the playoffs with a fully loaded gun. However, being an underdog could suit him well for a change. The big thing will be how the foot holds up and how many calories he can avoid at The Turn because rumor has it KenWo has not only bought a new sign, they have brought in some super-sized rink dogs for the new menu. The man with the prettiest orange golf bag in North America, perfect complexion, glassy blues eyes and finally visible ribcage has a lot to prove in 2021 and that could spell trouble for the rest of the league. The 2017 champion knows how to play this FEDEX game.

JOHNNY KENNY 12-1 Where did this man disappear to in the winter? Wolfville Police Constable Ray Huckster was even dispatched to call out an APB for last season’s 3^rd most point getter when the Smiling Assassin seemed more interested in playing “couch footsies” with his beau then hitting balls with the boys. But that’s just where The Denim Cowboy likes to be, in the murky waters, the dimly lit hallway, holding on to a shit rope without concern. Why such a drastic drop in odds this season? Someone has to play left out. Maybe this will be just the tonic to get him motivated to grease up the ole hip and hit some balls on the range during the week. It’s time to add a Cinderella Story of success just like those Anvil Draughts days, when men were men and Johnny was allowed to use words that would now incarcerate him. Now, can he avoid the allure of Darrell’s garage the night before tournaments? Ummm no. Does 12-1 makes sense now people?

KEVIN POIRIER 11-1 Whether it was The Covid Blues, a change from Red Bull to jerky, or the sudden disappearance of his BFF Sharky, 2020 was not a good one for Mr. Wildcat  who missed qualifying for the playoffs for the first time in his career, finishing a distant 20^th in the standings. THAT will not happen this year because odds just dictate, and well, jerky doesn’t derail good golf like Red Bull does. This man views bad golf shots like Wildcat teammates making errors in the infield (Insert mad face here). His competitive fire unquestioned, the addition of his son to the KWGA will no doubt motivate him to show the Young Buck what dad has been all about all his life…winning. Can you imagine a Father vs Son FEDEX Cup Final? Get your popcorn ready fellas.

WAYNE BURKE 10-1 It’s been six long years since Grampy won his FEDEX title in 2015 and so much has happened since. One thing does remain the same, he finds a way to creep up the standings and give himself a shot to win. With the process of selling his business surely, hopefully, maybe, oh frig, Howie’s calling me, I need to answer this call…out of the way, the thought is Grampy will be back to his killer ways by June. He finished 2^nd in points last season but a natural drop-off is bound to occur with his constant swing changes/thoughts and swirling around in his head. Anxiousness about the return of his best buddy Hunchback and how to integrate him back in his life in July could derail this FEDEX beast and so preparations have no doubt already begun. Costco better have lots of chocolate balls for Kevin, that’s all I can say.

SCOTT WOODWORTH 9-1 Wash away the smiling veneer and I know this man quietly wants nothing more than to win SOMETHING in this league. The FEDEX Cup should be right up his alley as he plays every week, plays solid and has finished in the Top 8 almost every season. Finding a way to advance in the playoffs has been the elusive part for Air Bud. However, with diarrhea problems seemingly cured and a new focus in place, this man has a good chance to finally get it done. He put in some off-season work on the simulator and loves the smell of fresh grass more than his canines at home. I am sure there would be a dog parade down Main Street if he ever does win a FEDEX Cup.

BOB TRAINOR 8-1 Bobby Clobber finished 7^th in points last season, advanced to the second round of the playoff and then…withdrew. (I have a word for that but I am not allowed to print it anymore). The shocking event was like watching your first pornographic blooper video. THAT really happens? Yes, Clobber pulled the plug on his 2020 prematurely and he has heard the whispers in the off-season. Historically a fast starter on Tour, he will need to do just that in 2021 or else the wheels on the bus may start turning too fast…and Albert is home schooling for yet another day. The man has improved leaps and bounds and knows not to panic early in a round if a double or triple bogey rears its ugly head. Playoffs for sure, advancing to the second round with the deepest Tour Field in KWGA history will be too big of a chore. Let’s just hope he plays if he does make the playoffs.

BRUCE FAGAN 7-1 It’s been a while since he has been called rookie but that will be the case when he tees it up for the first time on Tour in April. He begged, prodded and cajoled this writer into giving him a shot at the title and it worked. Now the hard part begins for this Phinneys title suiter. What we know is that he will shoot 70-75 every week and pound the field into submission with his driving accuracy and iron game. Off-season surgery had some odds-makers balking at ranking him so high but I think they did the same thing with an aging and supposedly arm-weary Tom Brady in Tampa Bay before last season…and how did that work out?

BARRY HENNIGAR 6-1 It’s simple “shit tectonics” people. When one immovable object meets another coming from the opposite direction, a shit abyss is sure to follow. Such is the reasoning for Barry’s odds this year. How can he ever do THAT again? Do what you ask? Finish first overall in points last season while crushing the nearest competitor by 64.5 points, winning three tournaments while finishing Top 3 on five occasions. It’s a lot to ask of a man to do again. Natural apathy starts to set in, like when you build a spiffy clean million dollar home…eventually someone in the house will fart on the new furniture and leave their muddy shoes on walk across the kitchen tile. However, Barry had to live all fall and winter with the sour taste of losing the FEEX Cup Final a la Greg Norman did to CHRIS Faldo in the 1996 Masters. If that isn’t motivation for this season, there is none.

MIKE WHITE 5-1 The Phog had a down year in 2020 and wasn’t even sure he would play. Common sense was eventually slapped into him but a malaise hung over his game like a Joe Biden victory. It was a lot to take for him but he still finished 9^th in points in 2020, advancing to the final and finishing a very respectable 3^rd. With Covid now eradicated from his mind, a complete explosion in the housing market and a winter spent pounding rockets on the simulator, The Phog will be taking dead aim at his first FEDEX Cup title just like he did at Horton High School dances. Look for Phog to play every week and win multiple tournaments on Tour, because once you fall asleep on Mike White…he’ll get you.

GARY JOHNSON 4-1 Newly minted “Beantown” Gary is basking in the glory of retirement and gaudy pension and with good reason. The 2018 champion has dropped his handicap 8 strokes in two years and continues to be an abscess hemorrhoid to keep out of the Top 5 week to week. Beantown finished 5^th in points last season and advanced all the way to the finals because of another opponent withdrawal (Trainor). This season he will have to earn his way to the final so he hired someone named Jordan (No, not Michael Jordan) to turn his swing into an Irish Whip from his former lady-like high handed hair brush motion. I tease him and his mongoloid hockey hero Brad Marchand but they can both use their shafts very well. If he can avoid The Gout and over-confidence, this has a chance to be a FEDEX Cup title season once again.

GERRY ELLIOTT 3-1 Double-Double finished 4^th in points last year, skipped The Northern Trust for a convention of retired club pros and Tim Horton’s executives and still advanced to the second round. My guess is he won’t be sitting out any playoff rounds this season after the amount of angry fan mail that landed on his doorstep in the offseason. Add in the fact that he has no doubt worn a hole into his simulator at home over the winter and a new Bryson DeChambeau approach to golf, and well, let’s just say he is ready to unleash the beast. Double-Double’s last appearance in the FEDEX Cup final was a distant 8 years ago when he took down a former 375lb+ defensive tackle/ Commissioner. So let’s add it all up…drought, anger, new approach, motivated. Pencil in Double-Double to be in his first FEDEX Cup Final in 8 years.

TIM PRESCOTT 2-1 After meandering around the edges of the KWGA, Indianapolis Jones will finally play a full schedule on Tour in 2021. Jones did not qualify for the playoffs last season and has yet to win on Tour in 22 starts. However, six Top 3’s and a couple runner-up finishes during that span bely the true power of his combination of talent and handicap. Throw in a sprinkle of “zero fear”, winning the KenWo Masters pool and you have the makings of a breakout season. He is just the kind of golfer who could put the fear of God into an opponent come the Tour Championship. His only kryptonite is an Eagle Man, so if he can avoid him at breakfast each Saturday morning, look out. If the Eagle wants his porridge and brown sugar an hour earlier on a Saturday morning, well, all the CBD oil in The Valley won’t help his mental state one bit.

CHRIS RUSHTON 1-3 Yes, that’s right, bet $3 to win $1. Why you ask? Because the man has figured it out. 2020 saw Inspector Gadget win his second straight FEDEX Cup crown, coming from behind at the season ending Tour Championship to shock the #1 seeded Barry Hennigar by two strokes. It was a stroke of genius in a league that had not seen a back to back champion in what is without doubt the toughest title to win. Rushton enters 2021 in good shape and brimming with confidence after a winter honing his craft weekly on KenWo’s simulator and taking $10 a week off of former friends Nick and Scott . He will play every week, he will get a win and enough Top 3’s to hang around the top of the standings until the intensity hits fever pitch at The Northern Trust in early August. What’s the secret you ask? The ability to make birdies for a 15-17 handicap. He had a career high 9 last season and double figures is not out of the question in 2021. So go ahead, mark it down, Rushton will qualify Top 5 and be the favorite to take it all again this season… because as odds-makers always say, if it ain’t broke, it ain’t broke.

COMMISSIONER STORMS THE BEACH!
Wins First Ever Simulator Open at Pebble
(Scroll Down for Scoreboard and Payouts)

Bobbleheads are only cool when you win.

AP- New Minas, NS
Say what you want about The Commissioner and “simulation” golf, but just don’t say that he no longer knows how to plough into a Greco Party Pizza or play on a championship golf course. After a piping hot finish to the 2020 KWGA season, your Commissioner “hit the beach” in Saturday’s first ever KWGA Pebble Beach Simulator Open winning by 1 measly stroke over Air Bud and Inspector Gadget with a net total of +4 (76). Not even a double bogey 7 on the penultimate Par 5 18th could keep him from the title even though the hole felt like Normandy Beach back in 1944. “Felt great out there today and I managed to avoid disaster until the final hole. My second shot veered left into the water kinda like when Rob Ford would get drunk and piss on his pantleg a bunch.” said Commissioner Thomson. “The atmosphere was jolly and gay in there today, just like Santa loading up his sleigh. I will gladly take the win and no it is not as surprising as when both Ford’s won their elections.”

The team competition also saw The Commissioner come out on top as teammates Indianapolis Jones, Inspector Gadget and Bobby Clobber all chipped in to top the field with a total of 374, winning by a margin of 16 strokes over Team Burke and 23 strokes over Team Gawwy. “The funny part was that Jones, Gadget and Clobber all had wet brains.” said a beaming Commissioner. “I was the only sober one in the group for a change. It just goes to show that the fire water is never an excuse for bad play. The only hard part was keeping Clobber happy and engaged when he knew his game had left him. He even quoted former KWGA-er The Fourth Reich today…I hate simulator golf!” Welcome to the winners circle Bobby! That’s why you have teammates.

In what is for sure a simulator first, KWGA stalwart Waszczuk-Carey did two very odd things. First, he brought a sleeve of his own brand new Titleist ProV’s, while second, he managed to lose two of them. “I really don’t know what he was thinking.” said a furious but giggling Grampy. “It’s kinda like when people used to bring their own bowling balls, shoes and Clary MacDonald sweat towels to New Minas Fairlanes. I guess I can see why Clary would bring his own items back in the day because his games were broadcast on local Kings Kable 5. Our game today? There wasn’t a camera in sight.” Thanks for the fodder Nicky Ole Boy!

If there is interest to play again in the New Year…we can do it again. Keep scrolling down for full leaderboard, individual scorecards and winnings.

HOLE-BY-HOLE SCORECARDS

2020 FEDEX CUP CHAMPION
CHRIS RUSHTON
“BACK TO BACK”

AP- Wolfville, NS
Wednesday July 15, 2020.

As the Rolling Stones once jammed…”Time, time, time…is on my side…yes it is.” Since all I have is time, I thought I would look ahead to this week’s stop on Tour, The Cheeseburger Picnic. With Covid’s wrath once again ravaging the KWGA “social” landscape, one thing is for certain, 20 racks of ribs are not overtaking my refrigerator this July. That’s a sad thing of course because who doesn’t like the smell of raw meat mixed with their milk and vegetables while pork marinates for five days, right? It’ like being in a whorehouse five minutes after The Stones left the building. On the positive side, The Picnic will again feature a 4 tee day (Red, White, Blue and Yellow #3.), turning this tournament into what has been traditionally one of the lowest scoring days of the season. In fact, Johnny Kenny set the record in 2018 for lowest score ever on Tour at -11, narrowly edging out Mark Gavin by two strokes at -9 that day. Nine golfers in total broke par for the tournament, so if you want to win this week…ya gotta go low.

So let’s take a moment to continue to look at the past. The following are this week’s entrants career results on 4 tee day. (Keep scrolling below the chart for the tournament odds this week.)

TOUR PRO	EVENT HCP	2015	2016	2017	2018	2019	TOTAL
AMIRAULT	15	+2	+2	-2	E	+11	+13
BURKE	3	DNP	-6	-3	-2	E	-11
CAREY	20	DNP	DNP	-1	DNP	DNP	-1
ELLIOTT	5	+3	DNP	DNP	E	-6	-3
FISHER	18	E	+3	+4	E	+1	+8
HENNIGAR	9	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	-
JOHNSON	9	DNP	DNP	-8	-1	DNP	-9
KENNY	13	+4	DNP	-1	-11	-7	-19
LOWE	21	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	-
MacKAY	4	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	-5	-5
MAXWELL	5	-1	-2	+1	-5	-2	-9
MURRAY	13	DNP	+3	DNP	DNP	DNP	+3
NEWCOMBE	9	E	-6	-1	-3	-6	-16
RUSHTON	16	DNP	-4	-2	-5	+8	-3
T.THOMSON	18	+6	DNP	DNP	DNP	+4	+10
TRAINOR	19	DNP	DNP	+4	+8	-4	+8
WHITE	19	-5	+13	-1	+13	+8	+28
WOODWORTH	7	E	E	-1	-2	+2	-1

WordPress Data Table

As you can see, going low is a must to win. Here are this week’s tournament odds to WIN this season’s Cheeseburger Picnic.

1-2 JOHNNY KENNY- Has figured out this format. Aggressive without being reckless. In the handicap “sweetspot”.
1-1 KEVIN NEWCOMBE- The shackles seem to come off on some uncomfortable holes. A quick start and look out.
2-1 WAYNE BURKE- Red hot. Knows how to go low in this format. A five birdie day is possible.
3-1 BARRY HENNIGAR- The Unknown. Has always been in Ontario with family during this event. Good showing last week.
4-1 GERRY ELLIOTT- Found his mojo in this event last year. Five birdie day is also possible here. Never count him out.
5-1 ROB LOWE- Maiden voyage. Eyes will light up on some shortened holes. The 16th will be key for him from back tee.
6-1 CHRIS RUSHTON- Loves this format. 3 of 4 rounds have been under par but not at his best at the moment.
7-1 GARY JOHNSON- Struggling lately but has a window to shoot 73 and win. However, birdies in short supply lately to be favored.
8-1 BOB MAXWELL- Steady in this format but not low enough historically. However, count him out and he will bite you.
9-1 SCOTT WOODWORTH- Not a great format for him traditionally but recent hot play could mean a birdie fest.
10-1 NICK CAREY- Broke out of slump last week but was mediocre in this format in one appearance. I’d need to see more.
11-1 BOB TRAINOR- Up and down the roller coaster week to week. Has been great and sub-par in this format. Hard to figure out.
12-1 MIKE WHITE- Has imploded in this event but 19 strokes is a lot to give him. Maybe the driveable holes make him too excited?
13-1 TOM THOMSON- Waiting on new clubs to arrive. Can they save him? His current clubs worked OK in the Masters. Not this week.
14-1 RENE MACKAY- Blistered this format last year at -5 but a 4 handicap means something in the 60’s gross to win.
15-1 ROD MURRAY- 13 strokes is a lot to give him but the results just haven’t been there this season. A win here would shock.
16-1 HAROLD FISHER- Surprisingly has yet to break par in this format. 18 strokes is also dangerous. Maybe, just maybe.
17-1 JOHN AMIRAULT- Blah results historically. Maybe he’s always thinking of cheeseburgers? If he wins, I eat my shorts…on #1 tee.

IT JUST EVENED OUT!
 Grampy Slams The Door at The Players 

AP- Wolfville, NS
Sunday July 12, 2020.

The long wait is over. After 7 seasons, 21 majors played and 130 career tournaments, the KWGA’s best player to have never won a Major broke through in dramatic and staggering fashion Saturday afternoon at The Players Championship in New Minas. The Windsor Spitfire carded a career personal best 68 gross, that included a birdie-birdie finish, to snatch victory away from Sex Tape Rob, the fisherman Nick Waszczuk-Carey and a bedazzled Air Bud. The win was his 16th career on Tour and a feather in the cap for a man that just six weeks ago fired a personal worst 96. “You can’t put a price tag on winning majors.” said a beaming and distracted Grampy from his truck as it raced to some unknown work destination following his win. “I could hear the whispers, guys chuckling behind my back, teasing me about not having a Major or my Grade 10. I think this should end that kind of childish behavior.”

Grampy’s round began solid as a rock with 7 consecutive pars before a birdie at the benign 8th hole, completing his Front Nine in just 34 strokes. Momentum was building for a man listed at 13-1 to win the event. “The Orchard is the key to winning. You can’t be over par on this stretch because you know, chances are, you are going to burn a couple of strokes in The Valley 5.” said Burke as he fiddled with his vehicle radio dials at 127 km/hr. However, Grampy was not the only golfer riding the wave of momentum as after-thoughts Sex Tape Rob and Waszczuk-Carey had plans of their own. The KWGA’s mason man fired a season low 42 on the Front Nine that has everyone scratching their heads in awe for a man who had seen scores over 100 in the last month. “Golf doesn’t come easy for me.” said Waszczuk-Carey. “Fishin’, and dating are a hell of a lot easier. All ya gotta do is cast your rod out and something will bite eventually. That’s not the case in golf.” For Sex Tape, a Front Nine 46 wasn’t spectacular but put him in the mix for his first Back Nine charge in a Major. “It’s a long drive back to Morden every day so I figured I might as well try and impress the wife for once. She doesn’t get all of this chasing a ball around stuff, especially on a Playstation.” said Sex Tape and his buddy Captain Amber from his deck in Morden.

 LEADERBOARD- THRU 9 HOLES 

-12 CAREY
-11 LOWE
-11 FISHER
-9 AMIRAULT
-8 WOODWORTH
-8 KENNY
-8 WHITE
-8 TRAINOR
-6 HENNIGAR
-6 RUSHTON
-6 T.THOMSON
-5 SIMMONS
-5 BURKE

Grampy would close the gap to 5 strokes after traversing The Orchard in even par, while Lowe and Carey would each burn two strokes to par. Also, right in the hunt was Mr. October and The Sheriff, men who scratch and claw week after week, trying to find that Valley Magic. However, like his law enforcement career, The Sheriff would crash and burn in The Orchard, burning 7 strokes to par and ending his own chances for his virgin major. “Everyone should feel lucky I didn’t bring my old billy club to the course with me today.” said The Sheriff. “I was so mad after those 4 holes I would have broken any kneecap within swinging range! Trump would surely have hired me to keep those protestors from walking the streets I know that.”

 LEADERBOARD- THRU 13 HOLES 

-10 CAREY
-10 FISHER
-9 LOWE
-8 WOODWORTH
-8 KENNY
-8 WHITE
-6 HENNIGAR
-5 BURKE

Grampy would bogey the 16th hole, a bogey that should have ended his chance at the title. That after watching playing partner Inspector Gadget birdie the same hole after two nutted 3 woods and a ten foot putt. The concern could be seen written all over Grampy’s face as he trudged to the 17th tee. “I just kept thinking, you know, it could be worse.” said a reflective Grampy. “Life could be really nasty. I mean bogies are bad and all but in a less than ideal world I could be in prison forced to perform cell gymnastics with a 6’6 body builder. That’s what I kept telling myself over and over. THAT, and well, after the round, I am driving somewhere in Nova Scotia to make another 20K on sprinklers.” Mr. October would drop out of contention on the 14th hole with a disastrous quadruple bogey 9. A hailstorm of bogies would follow that but he took it in stride. “You have to remember, by the 14th hole, I have been up for 13 hours already. I get tired. Don’t judge me, it’s almost my bed time for chrissakes.”

 LEADERBOARD- THRU 16 HOLES 

-8 CAREY
-8 LOWE
-6 WOODWORTH
-4 HENNIGAR
-4 BURKE

For Air Bud, the final two holes would encapsulate his KWGA career, at the brink of breaking through, yet somehow, someway, someone would always take his lunch money. A spectacular Front Nine 34 included 3 birdies putting him smack dab in the hunt for his first major. A disappointing bogey at the 17th didn’t knock him out of it but would prove to make things difficult heading home. “I kept my shirt tucked in all day until that hole.” said a dog hair covered Air Bud from his mountain retreat. “A par there and maybe, just maybe, I get the job done today. Excuse me while I try and get the dogs out of the pool.” Conversely, Grampy would start his charge in earnest at the 17th with a well executed birdie, his third of the day. Ahead on the 18th, word quickly spread that both Sex Tape and Waszczuk-Carey had bogeyed 17…the fireworks were just beginning.

 LEADERBOARD- THRU 17 HOLES 

-7 CAREY
-7 LOWE
-5 WOODWORTH
-5 BURKE

When you smell blood in the water, you attack, and that’s just what Windor’s soon to be Mayor did on a hole that seems to suit his eye. The 18th has been a Bunny Ranch of sorts for Grampy, a place where he frolics and feels joys from head to toe, and Saturday would be no different. Although he didn’t know it at the time, his birdie putt on the final hole would cement his second greatest comeback victory of his career (See 2015 Fedex Cup Final vs Poirier), coming back from 7 strokes down on the Back Nine. Sex Tape and Waszczuk-Carey seemed powerless to stop Grampy’s charge, like when Hulk Hogan would start shaking, rise from the canvas, and make that face, that nothing can stop me now. Sex Tape and Waszczuk-Carey would both double bogey the 18th, sending both to the scrap heap known as major runners-up. “It felt good out there today. It isn’t often I am such an underdog but it suited me today.” said a finally parked Burkie after logging 316 km’s after his round. “No more hearing that line…best player to have not won a major. Now if you will excuse me, I have some business at home to attend to to complete my day.”

 LEADERBOARD- FINAL 

-6 BURKE
-5 CAREY
-5 LOWE
-5 WOODWORTH

Congrats Burkie!

 FEDEX CUP UPDATE 

Grampy’s win Saturday vaulted him all the way to 3rd place in the Race to The FEDEX Cup while Hennigar takes over top spot with another solid showing. Smiling Johnny Kenny quietly sits in second place while Trainor and Boston Gary hold down the Top 5 after a double point week. The Top 16 and ties qualify for the first round of the playoffs which will begin on Saturday August 15th with the Northern Trust Open. There are four (4) events left to garner points, including one major (Canadian Open- August 1 double points.). You can see the updated leaderboard at STANDINGS-FEDEX CUP STANDINGS.

 PEARL NECKLACE UPDATE 

Grampy also soared to the top of the Pearl Necklace standings Saturday, ticking off an incredible 9 boxes in one tournament for a total of 14 points. Johnny Kenny is a solid second with 10 points while Rushton, Maxwell, Johnson, MacKay and Hennigar round out the Top 3 with 9 points. Some big point weeks on the horizon so it should be a sprint to the gewy finish. See STANDINGS-PEARL NECKLACE for full update. I have also posted a spreadsheet on this page. Click on the link to see what tasks you have completed, and what tasks are within your reach. There are two tabs at the bottom of the spreadsheet, ORANGE (Leaderboard) and YELLOW (Full Task List).

 -COMMISSIONER’S NOTES- 

*Unfortunately, next week’s Cheeseburger Picnic is a GOLF ONLY event. There will be no Social Event at Harold’s in Aylesford following golf. It is also a Red, White and Blue tee day. Please see the Cheeseburger Picnic tournament tab for details…so that you don’t f*** up next Saturday and play from the wrong tee.

*If you are interested in your stats for the season, just go to TOUR SCHEDULE-TOUR STATISTICS. There are two tabs on the bottom of this spreadsheet HOLE BY HOLE (ORANGE) and LEADERBOARD (GREEN).

*Congrats to Gerry Elliott who joined the 100 Round Club Saturday. Also, to Kevin Poirier and Scott Woodworth who earlier this season passed this same benchmark. Chris Rushton will also hit this mark this Saturday at The Cheeseburger Picnic! Great job and dedication boys!

*Boys, I know we haven’t had an opportunity to gather as a group at a social event, but the hope is, somewhere down the line we can. That being said, some of us have thrown in our $30 dues for the year to sponsor said future events/prizes, while some of us haven’t. If you are unsure of where you stand dues wise, anyone I have received dues money from is listed on the ACCOUNTING page. So go ahead, click it and find out. E-Transfer me your $30 if you want IN.

Furthermore, you should check in with your league account once in a while to make sure you have funds to cover your weekly entry fee. Chris updates this each week. If you don’t have funds listed, you will want to E-transfer Chris some money so that you are covered to play. You can see this information at STANDINGS-MONEY LIST. Click on the link for the spreadsheet.

*Sign-Up and Tee Time Volunteer polls have been affixed to the website for next week’s tournament. Let’s get lots of volunteers again so that we are not so spread out.

*Thanks to Ray Ivany, Geoff Flecknell, Calvin Fraser and I am sure a dapperly clad Jordan Newcombe for joining us yesterday. Hope you had fun. Anytime.

*Lastly, thanks for checking in on me boys. My leg is healing but not ready to play yet. My hope and goal is defending my title at the Canadian Open on August 1. Until then, have fun out there!

UPDATE: PEARL NECKLACE STANDINGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED

AP- Wolfville, NS
Friday July 10, 2020.

Expectations are high for some heading into the KWGA’s second Major while others seem to be hanging on by a thread as Saturday’s Players Championship gets ready to tee up at venerable Ken-Wo GC. What we do know is that conditions should be stellar for scoring with softer conditions and just a gentle breeze from the south.

FEDEX Cup points leaders Bannister-Hennigar and “Bobby Clobber” have been consistent and at times spectacular this season with Hennigar posting a 2nd place finish at last week’s Chesterfield Rugby Open while Clobber remains a constant threat with those 19 extra strokes and a partridge in a pear tree in his back pocket. The enigma this week, as it has been all season, is The Denim Cowboy who has been in the “handicap sweet spot” for the entire season. He finally broke through with a win at The Heritage two weeks ago and more is expected this week. “Being retired now, well sorta retired, has decreased my workload in the fields but my honey-do list has gotten a heck of a lot longer.” said a smiling Kenny following his practice round Thursday. “I had never seen the inside of WalMart or The Super Store until this year.”

Anxiously awaiting his new clubs is the KWGA’s rock n roller, Tom Fonda-Thomson whose two appearances on Tour this season have included a playoff loss at The Masters and a 4th place in Chester. A win this week and he may want to reconsider that gross expenditure on new gear. “My biggest concern playing is leaving my 15 lawns I have to mow in Truro and a couple buildings that need a mob rent enforcer.” said Fonda from the comfort of his back deck. “That and always having to buy dinner when I stay overnight in Wolfville.” Fonda will be grouped with favorite Barry and a recently struggling Boston fan The Big Johnson in what can only be deemed the worst sword fight in Valley history. “I am not worried about Johnson and his unit or Barry and his guitar talk. It’s all a smoke-screen. They know I have 16 strokes to play with, I am ready for them.”

Keep an eye out for The Hunchback this week as no one truly knows what to expect week to week, including Hunchback himself. He will have his friend, buddy, confident and son right beside him this week in hopes of calming his pituitary glands in search of regaining his 2016 form that saw him win The Players. “Jordan knows his role.” said a matter of fact Hunchback. “Talk me off the ledge emotionally if he can…and if that doesn’t work, we hit the bottle on the Back 9. Listen, bad golf scores are nothing. Try riding a camel to work through 100 mph sand storms in Qatar.”

Looking for a miracle this week will be the quartet of The Sheriff, Wasczuk-Carey and Inspector Gadget for very different reasons. The Sheriff’s game this season has been as appetizing as licking cardboard, Carey’s game needs a touch lighter than a mason’s mallet while Gadget will be weighted down by a shrinking 15 handicap. “You tell the Commissioner he can put his stinking, rotten foot up someone else’s arse for a change will ya?” said a fuming Sheriff. He has been hiding from me, that’s pretty obvious now. Tell him I am working on my Grade 10 this summer, so no more teasing me about that either!”

The KWGA’s elite of Double-Double, Maxwell-Smart and Grampy will make things interesting because without doubt, at least one will fire something low. Maxwell’s win last week in Chester showed that lower handicaps can win on Tour while Double-Double and Grampy quietly have made timely birdies that continue to pay for gas money back and forth to events. Grampy is still without a Major and the steam quietly blows inside. A busy golf schedule this week also means a day off Friday may have been his best tonic. “Don’t worry about me.” said a distracted Grampy. “Jan makes me take so many vitamins, protein shakes and isolates me from any dangers that may lurk. I am coming out swinging Saturday, and if I don’t win, I still drive out of the yard in the nicest convertible in the league…Kevin’s new one included.Making guest appearances this week will be Ray Ivany, Geoff Flecknell and Jordan Newcombe…we welcome them to our fray for a day.

Have fun boys…this is killing me.

-TOURNAMENT ODDS-

1-1 TRAINOR
2-1 HENNIGAR
3-1 KENNY
7-2 T.THOMSON
4-1 FISHER
5-1 MAXWELL
6-1 NEWCOMBE
13-2 WOODWORTH
7-1 SIMMONS
8-1 ELLIOTT
9-1 WHITE
10-1 POIRIER
11-1 RUSHTON
12-1 MURRAY W/D
13-1 BURKE
14-1 JOHNSON
15-1 LOWE
16-1 CAREY
20-1 AMIRAULT
25-1 IRWIN

 MASTER OF HIS DOMAIN 

 “SHOOTER” CAPTURES FIRST MAJOR IN A PLAYOFF 

*Top 16 Players & Ties Make Playoffs

*Points Carry Over from Regular Season into the Playoffs

*Playoff Events- Point Totals Quadruple (Win-100pts, 2^nd– 80pts…)

-The Northern Trust (Quarterfinals)- Top 12 + Ties Advance to Semi-Finals

-BMW Championship (Semifinals)- Top 6 + Ties Advance to Finals

-Tour Championship (Finals)- The FedExCup points leader after the first two playoff events will begin the TOUR Championship at 10-under par (plus handicap strokes). The No. 2 player will start at 8 under (plus handicap strokes). The No. 3 player starts at 6 under (plus handicap strokes), the No. 4 player starts at 4 under (plus handicap strokes), the No. 5 player starts at 2 under (plus handicap strokes), Player 6 starts at Even (plus handicap strokes).

Example: This is how everyone would start off #1 tee for the Tour Championship.

#1 Seed (Lahey-7 Handicap)               (-10) + (-7) = -17

#2 Seed (Ricky- 15 Handicap)             (-8) + (-15) = -23

#3 Seed (Julian- 13 Handicap)             (-6) + (-13)= -19

#4 Seed (Bubbles- 4 Handicap)           (-4) + (-4)= -8

#5 Seed (Randy- 11 Handicap)            (-2) + (-11)= -13

#6 Seed (Ray- 9 Handicap)                  (0) + (-9)= -9

Notes

If a player can’t make it during one of more of the playoff weeks, there will not be a replacement.

The whole point of this is threefold…

1. More players are involved, engaged and make the playoffs. This gives those players who may only be able to play 5-10 regular season events a chance to qualify.

2. Builds in an advantage for players who have been more successful during the regular season.

3. This is how the PROS play!

Don’t worry I will do the math and it is not that hard to keep track of. A voting poll has been posted on the website. Let me know how you feel about this by voting. Let’s go with “majority rules”. (51%+ wins the vote.). The poll is to the right in GREEN. (If viewing this on your phone, you may have to scroll all the way to the bottom!).

-Your Hopeful Commissioner

DER DROUGHT IST UBER!
4th Reich Hunts Career Win #3

The 2019 FEDEX Cup Playoffs will see a new champion as last season’s winner, Biggest Johnson, narrowly missed qualifying by a single point. A missed 3 footer or a chunked chip shot is sometimes all it takes. His reign marked the lowest seed (#12) ever to qualify and win the FEDEX Cup, a feat we may never see repeated. This season also saw the most golfers (18) with 100+ FEDEX Cup points, highlighting just how even things are and how difficult it is just to qualify for the playoffs. Great job guys!

 So what are we left with IN 2019? Let’s get to the individual breakdown shall we?

#1 THE PHOG- Nobody has scaled the mountain of golf frustration quite like The Phog. Last season he broke through and qualified for the playoffs for the first time but failed to get through to the semis with a disappointing round of +5. However, 2019 has seen him win 3 tournaments, including his second major, while racking up 171.5 points to give him the #1 seed. Two rounds in the 70’s last week, including his personal best 76 means he comes into this season’s playoffs with more confidence then Burt Reynolds at a Loni Anderson convention. He has the ability to go very low, just like Burt used to do with Loni, and that is scary to any competition. Last season’s early flame out should also serve as motivation heading into The Barclays. Nobody can predict how he will play week to week as the only time he has finished in the Top 3 is when he has won. When he doesn’t win, it’s usually been a blow up day. He will also be playing with the lowest handicap in his KWGA career (12) so the task will be the toughest of his career. How well he deals with the hot lamp lights squarely shone on his broad, sexy shoulders is the only thing standing between him and the next round.

Advancement Odds (2-1)

#2 MR. OCTOBER- 2019 will mark the fifth straight season that Fish will have made the playoffs. It’s a mark of consistency rivaled only by Grampy and The Commissioner (6). The streak was in jeopardy as he fell out of the Top 8 with just three events left in the season. That’s when he put the hammer down, accruing 59 points in his last three events to vault all the way to the second seed. However, the playoffs have not been kind to the happy home builder as he has yet to advance to the semis in five tries. Call it nerves, bad luck, bad karma or just separation anxiety from Nick, the bottom line is that it is just a matter of time. His 16 handicap gives him plenty of wiggle room to carve out an under par round so avoiding big numbers and dropping the odd putt is all that it will take on Saturday. Rumour has it that Fish has asked for special exemption to have his fury friends allowed off and inside the ropes this Saturday in hopes of elevating his play when it counts the most. If nothing else, it should get them some exercise.

Advancement Odds (7-1)

#3 THE 4^th REICH- The ultimate bulldog and KWGA journeyman has qualified for his second straight FEDEX Cup playoffs after years of leaving the league for Deutschland at the most inopportune time. A foot injury also had this man’s season in doubt before it even began, so he has overcome adversity to get to this point. His 2019 season did not include a win but his -3 score in last season’s Barclays meant advancement to the semis against all odds. Another -3 round will be difficult this Saturday as he will drag a small 6 handicap into the event which doesn’t give the German Stierhund much padding to advance. If the winds blow and conditions are difficult, send him through to the second round. If the wind lays down, the task gets even harder. We know one things, he won’t go down without a fight…or hopefully some cursing in German.  Möge die Macht mit dir sein … du wirst es brauchen.

Advancement Odds (3-1)

#4 BIP- The days of this man needing to pick up his ball in the middle of a hole to keep the pace are long gone. Just like in the Trainor home, an environment of structure and higher expectations has meant an upward growth pattern on Tour that can only make one feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. This will be BIP’s first playoff appearance so nobody can know what to expect but he enters the playoffs with some low rounds lately, including a three birdie performance Monday witnessed by yours truly. The confidence is there after a season that also included three wins on Tour. If he can get off to a solid start he will no doubt have any lower handicap opponent pressing to make birdies just to have a chance at keeping pace. If he makes a birdie or two on his own, lock the door, hide the women and children, because the Big Bad Boogeyman will wreak havoc with his special sauce…golf style.

Advancement Odds (1-1)

#5 GRAMPY LAHEY- Grampy is one of only two Tour members to qualify for every FEDEX Cup playoffs. His 2019 season includes a win at the KWGA Club Championship and several weeks atop the FEDEX Cup leaderboard. He has won one FEDEX Cup title (2015) and gone through to the semis on three other occasions. However, some late season struggles to end the season and the departure of his second love to some dust bowl across the globe have some doubting the Windsor Spitfire heading into Saturday’s Barclays. Those two forces along with a 5 handicap will mean back to shooting 70-73 will be needed to advance. There won’t be a dry eye in the gallery if this man manages to win his second FEDEX Cup but getting through the first round may be his toughest task. Men from his era were born with steel testicles and granite jaws, when men were men, and transgender meant sneaking into the girl’s locker room after gym class. Expect his best effort this Saturday…because his buddy would want it no other way.

Advancement Odds (3-1)

#6 INSPECTOR GADGET- This man’s season includes two wins and many weeks atop the FEDEX Cup leaderboard but he has also fallen on a late season malaise that will have some doubting him at The Barclays. 2019 will also mark his fourth straight appearance in the playoffs that includes a semi-final appearance in 2016. We know his ball flight, family and appearance well, however, what we don’t know is what Gadget will arrive on Saturday. His 17 handicap will scare all of his opponents to death, like raising two daughters, and all stars seemed aligned for a deep playoff run. Rumour has it that a daughter or two may caddy for him this weekend in hopes of pinch-hitting if injury should befall Gadget mid-round. Also motivating him will no doubt be proving to his older brethren, Mr. October and Waszczuk-Carey, that he needs to be respected and not treated like the younger brother anymore. The days of having his arms pinned and slapped around are over. This could be the year.

Advancement Odds- (4-1)

#7 THE SHERIFF- The 2019 playoffs will mark the first appearance for the heavy handed, brash and obnoxious former cop. His season included a win at the Herbin Experience and 151.0 points that marked a very solid performance for a man known for an attention span that rivals that of a fruit fly. His laisez-faire attitude will serve him well Saturday and make him dangerous because nobody seems to care less about his score than The Sheriff. However, his 14 handicap will mean less room for error then he is used to on a given Saturday. How well he deals with this and his penchant for rattling off dock worthy humour makes him the ultimate X-Factor. There was much chatter that he didn’t show at Gerry’s pool party because he didn’t want to be seen in a bathing suit. That’s a good thing, because if he manages to win the FEDEX Cup we may end up seeing him in a birthday suit.

Advancement Odds (8-1)

#8 THE COMMISSIONER- He has heard all of the rumours, that his game has left him, that his hair is thinning, that his weight loss has meant a loss of distance and accuracy, that playing with him is starting to feel a lot like watching a Hellen Keller film…quiet. The rumours would be true. What The Commissioner does have going for him is a boatload of playoff experience that includes a title (2017), four semi-final appearances and a season that captured his first major championship. His 10 handicap has stayed steady all season and will give him some space to do some damage. A birdie or two early would go a long way for the embattled Commissioner who just needs some mental TLC and a trip to Tootsies Cabaret in Miami to change his mind set and raise his spirits. However, this is his time of year, when it counts, when legends are made. Is everyone ready? Let’s get this thing going!

Advancement Odds (6-1)

Fellas…

Lots going on next week. Just so we are all on the same page, here is the deal in case you have any questions.

(a) FEDEX Cup Playoffs- The Top 8 point getters (White, Fisher, Irwin, Trainor, Burke, Rushton, Amirault, D.Thomson) from our 16 week regular season have qualified for the playoffs. These 8 men will be grouped together this coming Saturday. The Top 4 and ties will advance to the Semi-Finals on August 24.

(b) Intercontinental Championship- The Barclays Championship is the first week to garner points for the fall season’s Intercontinental Championship. All golfers, including those in the FEDEX Cup Playoffs, will be collecting Intercontinental points. I will start posting the leaderboard next weekend under STANDINGS-INTERCONTINENTAL 

(c) Pearl Necklace- I have not forgotten this. I simply got behind the 8 ball in tabulating these points. I will announce and present the winner of this title at our season ending banquet in November or sooner if I can complete this task before. Sorry for the delay!

GREEN MACHINE!

“BIP” WINS 2019 MASTERS IN PLAYOFF